THE  LIBRARY 

OF 

THE  UNIVERSITY 

OF  CALIFORNIA 

DAVIS 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 


As    HE   BLENDED    HIS   INGREDIENTS,     HE     WORE    THE 
COUNTENANCE    OF  A    MOROSE    EMBALMER. 

Pajre   77. 


THE 
SIX  BEST  CELLARS 


BY 

HOL WORTHY  HALL 

Author  of  ''The  Man  Nobody  Knew,"  etc. 

AND 
HUGH  KAHLER 


ILLUSTRATED  BY 

MAY  WILSON  PRESTON 


NEW  YORK 

DODD,  MEAD  AND  COMPANY 
1919 


LIBRARY 

UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA 

DAVIS 


COPYRIGHT,  1919 
BY  DODD,  MEAD  AND  COMPANY,  INC. 


PRINTED  IN  THB  U.8.A. 


PREFACE 

The  Authors  respectfully  inform  the  pub 
lic  that  "  Oakmont "  and  all  characters  in 
this  book  are  purely  imaginary,  and  inten 
tionally  burlesqued. 

Any  one  attempting  to  take  the  story  seri 
ously  will  be  prosecuted  to  the  full  extent 
of  the  law. 

THE  AUTHORS 


PART  I 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 


AS  he  entered  the  stream  of  commu 
ters  pinching  into  slow  Indian  file 
at  the  gates  of  the  5.15  Oakmont 
Local  Express,  Henry  cramped  his  arm  a 
little  more  possessively  around  his  awkward 
brown-paper  bundle  and,  at  the  same  mo 
ment,  yielded  to  the  dual  irritation  of  which 
this  bundle  was  the  focus. 

Up  to  the  end  of  the  war,  of  course,  you 
could  carry  home  as  many  parcels  as  you 
liked,  and  even  feel  patriotic  about  it;  but 
now  that  the  war  was  over,  and  the  shops 
continued  to  charge  extra  for  suburban  de- 
3 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

liveries,  it  was  socially  almost  imperative  to 
pay  the  charge.  The  present  lapse  from  pro 
priety,  however,  Henry  might  have  mini 
mized  in  view  of  the  acute  emergency.  It 
was  for  dinner  —  dinner  with  important 
guests.  Millicent  hadn't  telephoned  him  un 
til  nearly  noon,  and  any  married  man  who 
happened  to  see  him  on  the  train  would 
understand. 

But  the  second  reason  for  his  irritation 
was  more  profound.  Thirty-eight  dollars 
was  what  the  burden  had  cost  him,  and 
thirty-eight  dollars,  at  this  stage  of  Henry's 
career,  and  for  the  purpose  to  which  it  had 
been  consecrated,  was  serious.  Indeed,  if  it 
hadn't  been  for  Millicent's  imperiousness,  he 
would  have  said  to  the  clerk  who  told  him 
the  price :  "  Keep  it !  " 

As  he  entered  the  forward  smoker,  he  was 
momentarily  regretful  that  he  hadn't 
elected,  for  once,  to  ride  in  a  different  car. 
4 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

He  persuaded  himself  that  he  wasn't 
ashamed  to  explain  what  he  was  carrying  — - 
he  just  didn't  want  to;  and  when  his  first 
sweeping  glance  showed  him  no  place  in  the 
forward  smoker  unoccupied,  his  heart 
bounded  at  the  excuse  for  retreat.  But  be 
fore  he  could  turn,  he  identified  the  highly- 
tailored  back  of  Tommy  Blair,  sharing  a  seat 
with  a  monumental  parallelepiped  of  brown 
paper.  Henry  wavered.  If  Blair  could  af 
ford  the  luxury  of  carrying  home  his  own 
wet  goods,  why,  anybody  could !  And,  as  a 
matter  of  fact,  there  seemed  to  be  really  an 
astonishing  number  of  packages  in  that  car ; 
there  were  neat,  oblong  packages,  and 
round,  lumpy  ones;  there  were  agglomer 
ations  of  packages  connected  by  intricate 
harness.  Packages  on  the  floor,  in  seats,  in 
the  overhead  racks.  Henry's  own  burden 
lightened  suddenly  by  contrast.  Then,  as 
he  smiled  at  A.  Sturtevant  Jordan,  who  was 
5 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

nodding  amiably  over  a  clump  of  bundles 
equipped  with  a  wood-and-wire  handle, 
Henry's  mouth  lost  its  downward  slant. 

"Getting  off  light,  eh?"  Jordan  mo 
tioned  toward  Henry's  modest  armful. 
"Well,  that's  your  percentage  for  being 
forehanded.  I  wish  Fd  had  the  sense  to  see 
this  thing  coming.  Pay  through  the  nose 
and  cart  it  home  yourself,  now !  Still,  it's 
no  time  to  think  of  prices,  in  these  days." 
He  wagged  his  head  mournfully.  "  Well, 
see  you  tonight,  "  he  said. 

Henry  moved  along  the  aisle.  The  mul 
titude  of  parcels  suddenly  amused  him;  he 
realized  that  he  wasn't  alone  in  his  misery. 
Even  Jordan,  the  self-elected  arbiter  of 
Oakmont,  was  carrying  his  own  freight 
without  a  quaver.  But  — "  No  time  to 
think  of  prices !  "  Humph !  If  Jordan  — 
like  Henry  —  had  been  trying  to  get  a  liv 
ing  out  of  the  bond  business  for  the  last' 
6 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

three  years  he'd  think  of  prices,  fast  enough ! 

Henry  shifted  his  burden  rather  obtru 
sively  as  he  found  a  vacant  seat  at  the  for 
ward  end  of  the  car, —  the  fixed  and  under 
sized  seat  which,  reversed,  was  ordinarily 
regarded  as  No  Man's  Land.  The  two  men 
opposite  were  courteous  enough,  and  tried 
to  move  their  feet  out  of  his  way,  but  Henry 
was  apologetic  until  he  observed  that  nei 
ther  of  them  had  any  luggage.  His  invest 
ment  of  thirty-eight  dollars  gave  him  an 
agreeable  sense  of  superiority.  The  pre 
vious  ignominy  of  carrying  a  heavy  bundle, 
that  ignominy  which  had  all  but  dissolved 
when  it  was  shared  by  Blair  and  Jordan, 
became  almost  a  distinction  now.  There 
fore  Henry  spoke  with  much  more  warmth 
than  usual  to  Mclvor  Tiffany  and  Ed  Ham 
mond. 

Secretly  he  had  always  balked  at  the  fine 
nuances  of  Oakmont's  social  subdivisions. 
7 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

He  hated  to  consider  himself  better — « 
whatever  that  means  —  than  big,  noisy, 
good-natured  Mclvor  Tiffany;  and  he  hon 
estly  doubted  that  his  own  bond  business 
made  him  more  valuable  to  the  community 
than  Ed  Hammond,  with  his  chain  of  highly 
successful  wholesale  and  retail  groceries. 
Nevertheless,  Henry  was  now  pleasantly 
aware  of  a  distinction,  in  his  own  men 
tal  processes,  between  the  men  opposite 
him  and,  say,  Blair  and  Jordan.  He  knew 
that  Jordan  and  Blair  would  draw  exactly 
that  same  distinction  between  Henry  and 
the  pair  he  now  confronted.  Still  more 
agreeably  was  he  conscious  of  the  line  as 
Tiffany  and  Hammond  would  draw  it.  In 
the  reserve  with  which  they  greeted  his 
bland  "  Good  evening,  gentlemen, "  he  de 
tected  the  slight  but  unmistakable  hostil 
ity  of  the  Out  for  the  In  —  the  unconscious 
tribute  to  his  In-ness  which  they  rendered 
8 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

as  a  result  of  endeavouring  not  to  render 
any  at  all. 

Mclvor  Tiffany  rolled  a  jocular  eye  to 
ward  Henry's  parcel.  It  was  a  wholly  com 
prehensive,  good-natured  eye,  and  it  was 
disconcerting. 

"  Tough  luck,  Carpenter,"  he  said. 
"  They're  squeezing  you  shorts  pretty  hard, 
aren't  they?  Every  time  I  go  down  Broad 
way  I  want  to  shake  hands  with  myself  and 
pin  on  another  rose.  I  was  the  early,  early 
bird,  all  right." 

Henry's  satisfaction  waned  abruptly. 
Something  told  him  that  Tiffany  wasn't 
bluffing.  Indeed,  now  that  the  conversation 
had  begun  and  the  subject  was  chosen,  there 
was  almost  a  hint  of  patronage  on  Tiffany's 
face.  Henry  forced  a  casual  chuckle.  He 
confirmed,  because  he  felt  that  he  had  to, 
one  of  his  earlier  and  most  regrettable  pub 
lic  exaggerations. 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

"  Oh,  I'm  pretty  well  stocked  up,  of 
course.  Always  have  been,  in  fact.  This 
is  just  some  odds  and  ends  I  picked  up  at  a 
club  auction.  Somebody  had  to  have  it  and 
I  thought  it  might  as  well  be  me." 

Tiffany  nodded.  He  had  caught  the  re 
straint  in  Henry's  voice  and  he  wasn't  alto 
gether  deceived.  There  was  a  patent  relish 
in  his  tone  as  he  proceeded  to  recite  his 
own  possessions.  It  was  evident  that  Tif 
fany  cared  little  for  the  lighter,  more  exotic 
things,  but  what  he  had  bought,  he  had 
bought  in  plenty.  When  spontaneous  mem 
ory  failed  him  he  counted  on  his  fingers.  It 
was  an  avalanche  of  names  which  alone 
were  fitted  to  command  respect;  but  the 
arithmetic  was  numbing  far  beyond  the 
power  of  the  nomenclature. 

Henry,  restraining  an  impulse  to  glower, 
listened  patiently  to  the  end.  His  envy  was 
chiefly  financial;  it  was  the  same  self-re- 
10 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

proachful  feeling  that  he  endured  when  peo 
ple —  people  perhaps  less  deserving  and 
certainly  less  suitable  than  himself — told 
him  about  huge  commitments  in  Beth  Steel, 
back  in  1915.  Tiffany  wasn't  compelled  to 
limit  himself  to  the  needs  of  a  month  or  a 
year  —  he  was  insured,  provided  only  that 
he  practised  moderation,  for  at  least  a 
couple  of  decades. 

Henry  turned  to  Hammond  with  a  half 
smile,  as  if  in  gentle  depreciation. 
"  Sounds  almost  like  one  of  you**  catalogs, 
doesn't  it?" 

Hammond  grinned.  "  Well,  it  ought  to. 
That's  practically  what  it  is.  I  guess  if  it 
hadn't  been  for  me,  he'd  have  been  flounder 
ing  like  everybody  else."  He  glanced  side- 
wise  at  Tiffany,  the  grin  broadening. 
"Mac  certainly  made  an  awful  dent  in 
what  was  left  at  the  store,  but  he  only  got 
.what  I  didn't  need  myself,  at  that."  He 
11 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLAES 

chuckled.  "  'Minds  me  of  a  line  of  poetry 
I've  read  somewhere :  '  I  wonder  what  the 
brewers  buy  that's  half  as  precious  as  the 
stuff  they  sell '  —  or  something  like  that. 
Well,  we're  not  selling  any  of  it,  any  more. 
There  isn't  any  of  it  left  to  sell.  But 
Mac  and  I  don't  have  to  worry;  do  we, 
Mac?" 

Henry's  involuntary  respect  went,  by 
prompt  transfer,  to  Hammond.  He  had 
never  really  appraised  the  grocer  —  except 
as  a  grocer  —  until  now.  Of  course,  Ham 
mond,  like  everybody  else  who  could  pay 
the  dues,  and  a  few  who  couldn't,  belonged 
to  the  Country  Club,  and  Henry  had  run 
into  him  at  dances  there,  and  sometimes  on 
the  golf  course,  but  Ed  Hammond,  as  man 
and  brother,  had  been  socially  obscured  be 
hind  Edward  B.  Hammond  &  Co.,  Fine 
Groceries,  Wines,  Liquors  and  Cigars,  All 
Accounts  Due  and  Payable  on  the  First  of 
12 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLAKS 

Each  Month.  Henry  recalled  that  Milli- 
cent  was  less  equivocal  about  it. 

Now,  as  Henry  visualized  the  loot  of  a 
certain  department  at  one  of  Hammond's 
big,  shining,  spice-smelling  stores,  he  ex 
changed  for  the  Beth-Steel  kind  of  envy  the 
kind  which,  as  a  boy,  he  had  directed  to 
ward  the  offspring  of  the  local  confectioner. 
Hammond  was  in  the  place  of  the  con 
fectioner,  and  Tiffany  was  pinch-hitting  for 
the  offspring.  -  It  was  almost  unfair.  In 
stinctively,  Henry  glanced  down  the  aisle 
to  A.  Sturtevant  Jordan. 

For  the  first  time  he  found  himself  com 
paring  Hammond  and  Jordan  as  specimens 
of  the  same  race.  It  occurred  to  him  that 
Hammond  w'as  outwardly  as  good  a  speci 
men  as  A.  Sturtevant  himself.  There  was 
nothing  wrong  with  either  his  clothes  or 
his  speech ;  he  had  a  pink,  smooth,  cheerful 
face,  with  many  little  lines  of  humour  at  the 
13 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLAKS 

corners  of  his  month,  and  his  steady  blue 
eyes  were  certainly  more  intelligent  than 
Jordan's.  And  furthermore  .  .  .  The  thir 
ty-eight-dollar  investment  on  Henry's  knees 
began  to  seem  very  trivial. 

Henry  unbent  by  easy  gradations  while 
the  train  spurted  smoothly  through  its 
canon,  between  miles  of  wash-decorated  fire- 
escapes.  It  was  natural  enough  to  chat 
affably  over  the  initial  topic,  and,  after  that 
was  exhausted,  to  keep  on  chatting  about 
other  things.  Hammond  revealed  an  un 
expectedly  mordant  wit  and  fund  of  anec 
dote;  Tiffany,  who  proved  to  be  a  masterly 
audience,  laughed  without  restraint,  and 
Henry,  who  laughed  with  and  not  at  him, 
perceived  that  the  attention  of  A.  Sturte- 
vant  Jordan  was  fixed  upon  him  from  below 
brows  perceptibly  arched.  He  had  a  de 
fiant  impulse  to  scowl  back.  And,  when 
they  stopped  at  Oakmont,  he  went  out  of 
14 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

the  forward  door  with  Tiffany  and  Ham 
mond,  instead  of  deserting  them  for  a  word 
with  his  older  friends. 

He  knew  in  advance  that  Milly  wouldn't 
meet  him.  She  hadn't  said  so,  during  their 
slightly  heated  telephone  conversation,  but 
it  was  obvious  that  she  wouldn't  dare  to 
leave  Olga  to  deal  with  dinner  according  to 
her  simple,  untrammelled  Swedish  fancies. 
Henry  quickened  his  step  as  he  discovered 
that  it  was  raining  slightly.  There  were 
never  enough  taxis  to  go  round,  in  bad 
weather. 

Tiffany's  wife  was  waiting  for  her  hus 
band —  a  rather  smart-looking  little  wom 
an,  too,  thought  Henry,  as  she  lifted  a  cheer 
ful  hand  from  the  wheel  of  a  small  sedan. 
He  raised  his  hat,  smiling  with  just  one  de 
gree  more  geniality  than  the  occasion  war 
ranted.  Tiffany  paused  with  one  foot  on 
the  running-board. 

15 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

"What's  the  matter,  Carpenter?  Isn't 
your  car  here?  Come  on  —  jump  in." 

Henry  hesitated  only  a  fraction  of  a  sec 
ond.  It  was  cold ;  it  was  wet ;  the  taxi,  if  he 
were  lucky  enough  to  get  one,  would  cost 
fifty  cents.  The  road  to  the  Tiffanys'  house 
lay  past  his  own.  Blair  and  Jordan  had  al 
ready  disappeared  into  the  night. 

"Why,  that's  mighty  nice  of  you,"  he 
said. 

"  The  idea ! "  protested  Mrs.  Tiffany. 
"  Don't  make  Mr.  Carpenter  stand  there  in 
the  rain,  Mclvor  —  let  him  get  in." 

Accordingly,  Henry  slid  into  the  rear  seat 
and  folded  his  legs  in  order  that  Tiffany 
might  scramble  past  him  into  the  front 
cockpit.  He  heard,  with  approval,  the 
Christian  name  of  Tiffany's  wife.  Hope. 
Charming  name,  thought  Henry.  Charm 
ing  woman,  he  thought,  again,  as  Hope 
Tiffany  conversed  with  him  while  her  hus- 
16 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLAKS 

band  drove.  He  distinctly  liked  her,  on 
this  improved  acquaintance.  A  reference 
of  Milly's  to  her  seemed  decidedly  unjust. 
There  wasn't  the  slightest  reminiscence  of  a 
social  climberess  about  this  woman.  Also, 
she  had  an  inalienable  dower  right  in  the 
prodigious  catalogue.  Henry  made  him 
self  very  pleasant  indeed.  And  Mclvor 
Tiffany,  warmed  by  the  consciousness  of 
benefaction  to  some  one  who  mattered  con 
siderably  in  Oakmont,  was  increasingly 
pleased.  As  he  helped  Henry  and  the  thir 
ty-eight  dollars'  worth  of  potential  hospi 
tality  out  of  the  car  he  grinned,  and  unex 
pectedly  offered  to  shake  hands. 

"  Drop  in,  some  time,  Carpenter,  and 
we'll  take  an  inventory  together." 

Henry  had  a  curious  belief  that  Mrs.  Tif 
fany  had  momentarily  suspended  respi 
ration. 

"Thanks,  I'll  do  that."  He  sincerely 
17 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

meant  it,  for  at  rare  intervals,  even  Henry 
had  his  intuitions.  One  of  them  whispered 
to  him,  as  he  slammed  the  door  of  the  sedan 
after  two  reiterations  of  his  gratitude,  that 
the  time  had  come  to  be  ordinarily  decent 
to  Mclvor  Tiffany  and  his  trim,  pretty, 
utterly  unobjectionable  wife.  Not  that 
Henry  had  reasoned  this  out  in  cold  blood. 
Not  at  all.  It  just  came  to  him.  Came  in 
a  flash  —  like  that. 

.*:        •  »  :•:  i  s  - 

Millicent's  voice  came  floating  downstairs 
to  meet  him. 

"  Yes,  I  got  it,"  he  answered,  a  shade 
sulkily. 

Her  next  question  caught  him  halfway  up 
the  flight.  "  How  much  did  it  cost?  " 

Henry  foresaw  the  tendency  of  the  con 
versation  as  clearly  as  a  bedevilled  witness 
detects  the  trend  of  the  cross-examination, 
but  he  had  made  an  excellent  rule  about 
18 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

lying  to  Millicent.  It  was  the  result  of  ex 
perience.  He  told  her,  without  embroidery, 
and  she  suspended  judgment  long  enough  to 
kiss  him.  The  reprieve,  however,  was  brief. 

"  Oh,  dear !  If  you'd  only  gone  down  and 
got  some  things  at  Hammond's  when  I 
wanted  you  to ! "  Millicent  sighed  heavily. 
"We  might  have  bought  bargains  just  as 
well  as  other  people  have,  if  you'd  ever  lis- 
tend  to  me.  Why,  even  last  summer — " 

"  I  know,"  acknowledged  Henry,  wearily. 
"  I  guessed  wrong.  It  looked  silly  to  me 
to  sink  a  lot  of  money  when  prices  were 
twice  normal.  /  couldn't  foresee  that  every 
trick  congressman  in  the  country  was  going 
to  get  religion  at  the  same  time.  I  thought 
things  were  going  to  get  better,  instead  of 
worse.  Lots  of  other  people  did,  too.  I'm 
not  the  only  bad  guesser,  you  know.  Let's 
forget  it." 

He  discovered,  at  that  moment,  that  Mil- 
19 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

licent  had  remembered  to  put  out  his  pearl 
studs.  She  hardly  ever  forgot  anything, 
but  now  and  then  she  did  mislay  his  studs. 
It  would  have  been  a  tactical  diversion,  just 
now,  to  be  able  to  ask  her,  very  gently, 
where  they  were. 

"  I  don't  see  what  difference  it  makes, 
anyway,'7  he  said,  affecting  great  uncon 
cern.  "  I've  gone  to  lots  of  dinners  where 
there  wasn't  anything  to  drink,  and  so's 
everybody  else.  I  guess  it  wouldn't  have 
hurt  the  crowd  to  go  without  a  cocktail, 
just  for  once,  would  it?  " 

Millicent  confronted  him.  She  was 
small  and  compact;  to  Henry  she  always 
suggested  a  woman  carved  out  of  a  topaz 
or  a  fire-opal  —  a  vivid  creature,  with  a 
trick  of  glowing  under  animation. 

"  It  wouldn't  hurt  them"  she  told  him, 
with  the  intonation  of  one  who  deals  with 
innocent  stupidity.    "  It  would  hurt  us." 
20 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

"  Maybe  I  could  live  it  down  in  time,"  he 
objected,  with  humour  which  wasn't  as  in 
fectious  as  he  had  hoped.  Millicent  shook 
her  head. 

"Why,  don't  you  see-eee? "  She  pro 
longed  the  vowel  with  telling  emphasis. 
When  anybody  could  have  things  to  drink, 
it  didn't  matter  much  whether  we  did  or  we 
didn't.  Nobody  cared.  And  if  you  hadn't 
tried  to  pretend  to  everybody,  up  at  the 
Jordans'  dinner,  that  we  had  stocked  up,  it 
wouldn't  matter  so  much,  even  now." 

"Oh — "  Henry's  voice  stopped,  but 
Henry's  shoulders  went  on  and  said, 
"  Damn ! " 

"  I'm  not  blaming  you,  Henry.  The  way 
Sturtevant  talked  was  simply  maddening. 
But  you  did  let  everybody  suppose  we  had  a 
regular  wine-cellar;  you  know  you  did. 
And  I  couldn't  come  out  and  say  you  were 
fibbing,  could  I?  And  now  everybody's 
21 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

sure  we've  got  a  whole  lot  of  things.  We 
had  to  do  this  tonight,  unless  you  were  will 
ing  to  come  right  out  and  admit  .  .  .  don't 
you  see?  " 

Henry  saw.  Not  that  he  had  ever  been 
really  astigmatic;  he  merely  liked  to  pre 
tend  that  he  could  recall  those  unfounded 
vauntings  of  his  at  will.  Pikers!  The 
word  was  fascinating.  It  also  suggested  its 
blood-brother  word  —  four-flusher.  He 
made  peace  at  once. 

"All  right,  Milly.  We've  got  to  carry 
the  thing  through  now,  and  we  will,  too. 
I'll  get  busy,  the  first  thing  tomorrow. 
There  must  be  good  bargains  yet,  if  you 
know  where  to  look  for  'em.  I'll  ask  Ed 
Hammond.  We'll  get  enough  to  get  by  on, 
somehow.  Hammond'll  help  me  out;  I 
know  he  will.  You  leave  it  to  me." 

Millicent's  doubts  yielded  to  treatment. 
She  presently  descended  to  guard  the  tem- 
22 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

peramental  Olga  during  the  final,  delicate 
moments,  and,  half  an  hour  later,  Henry 
followed  her.  He  arranged  on  the  shelf  of 
the  butler's  pantry  his  thirty-eight  dollars' 
worth  of  ingredients  and  surveyed  them, 
calculating.  For  twelve  people  he  required 
fourteen  cocktails;  eleven  for  the  first 
round  (Daisy  Jordan  didn't  like  the  taste) 
and  three  for  the  second.  Henry,  measur 
ing  out  the  gin,  paused  guiltily.  H'm  .  .  . 
conservation  might  be  in  order,  about  now 
...  a  leetle  drop  of  water  wouldn't  do 
much  harm.  He  dallied  with  temptation, 
resolved  to  fall,  and  fell  hard.  Chill  7em  a 
trifle  more  than  usual  and  you'd  hardly 
know  the  difference.  He  tasted  the  mix 
ture  approvingly,  and  hurried  into  the  liv 
ing-room  as  the  Blairs  arrived,  Tommy  in 
his  habitual  state  of  exuberance,  and  his 
wife  in  her  equally  habitual  state  of  deep- 
toned  placidity. 

23 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

From  the  unescapable  commonplaces 
which  hosts  exchange  with  first  arrivals, 
they  drifted  helplessly  to  the  burning  topic 
of  the  period. 

"  I  thought  the  question  of  the  Army  vote 
might  hold  this  thing  off  for  a  few  years, 
anyway,"  observed  Blair.  "And  I  didn't 
believe  the  legislatures  would  dare  to  slip  it 
over  on  us.  Fve  been  pretty  active  ever 
since,  but  it's  about  as  economical  as  collect 
ing  old  furniture.  You  certainly  had  a 
long  head  on  you  to  get  yours  early,  Henry. 
My  hat's  off  to  you." 

"  Leave  it  to  Henry,"  rumbled  Mrs.  Blair 
from  beyond  the  synthetic-stone  fireplace. 
"  I've  been  reminding  myself  all  day  that  he 
was  the  first  one  of  us  to  admit  how  much 
he's  got."  To  Henry,  her  laugh  held  a  pe 
culiarly  ominous  note.  The  memory  of  his 
braggadocio,  and  of  the  cost  of  today's  pur 
chase,  set  him  uneasy. 
24 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

"Hold  on,"  he  objected.  "You  don't 
want  to  get  the  idea  that  Fve  got  a  sort  of 
champagne  swimming-pool  under  the  house. 
I  didn't  mean  to  — " 

Mrs.  Blair's  deep  merriment  interrupted 
him.  "  Danger  signals  already?  Cheer 
up,  Henry,  we're  not  going  to  drink  you  out 
of  house  and  home  in  one  night.  We're 
reasonable." 

Others  arrived ;  the  Harrises  and  the  Hol- 
sappels,  the  McAllisters,  and,  after  just 
the  right  interval  to  be  impressive,  the 
A.  Sturtevant  Jordans.  The  party  was 
complete.  Millicent's  eyebrows  fluttered. 
Henry,  with  a  lingering  twinge  of  con 
science  for  the  dilution,  poured  eleven  cock 
tails  into  eleven  glasses  on  the  big  tray. 
The  rule  was  to  help  oneself,  informally. 
Naturally,  Henry  waited  till  his  guests 
were  provided.  His  glance  strayed  from 
the  tray.  Then,  as  the  hush  descended,  he 
25 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLAKS 

reached  toward  the  place  where  his  own 
cocktail  should  have  been.  His  fingers 
wandered  and  found  nothing.  He  looked 
down.  The  tray  was  empty. 

His  first  reaction  was  in  response  to  the 
thought  that  he  had  miscounted  the  guests. 
Impossible!  Then,  as  his  eye  travelled 
around  the  group,  it  came  to  a  halt  on  Daisy 
Jordan  in  the  act  of  lowering  an  empty 
glass.  He  was  also  in  time  to  see  an  un 
mistakably  medicinal  grimace  contort  her 
face.  She  caught  his  expression  of  wonder, 
misinterpreted  it,  and  shot  back  a  compli 
ment. 

"  Henry,  you  robbed  the  world  of  genius 
when  you  weren't  born  a  bar-tender.  You 
make  me  think  of  that  artist  who  said  he 
mixed  his  paints  with  brains,  you  do, 
really." 

She  approached,  a  soft,  clinging  woman 
who,  at  thirty-nine,  manifested  a  firm  faith 
26 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

in  the  appeal  of  all  the  qualities  she 
thought,  incorrectly,  that  she  possessed. 
She  cuddled  toward  him;  Henry  chose  the 
word  as  he  watched  the  action.  Daisy 
could  cuddle,  he  thought,  at  eight  hundred 
yards'  range.  "  One  more  for  Daisy, 
please,"  she  begged.  "  Just  a  weeny, 
teeny  — " 

Obediently,  Henry  tilted  the  shaker  over 
her  glass,  but  his  eyeS  widened.  "  I 
thought  you  loathed  'em,  Daisy." 

She  laughed.  "  I  never  did  care  for 
them  so  terribly  much,"  she  admitted,  con 
fidentially.  "  It  must  be  an  acquired  taste 
—  like  olives  and  Roquefort.  But  Sturte- 
vant  says  I'm  too  silly  about  it  —  so  I'm 
taking  lessons." 

Henry    understood.     Daisy  never  cared 

terribly  much  about  anything  that  was  easy 

to  get,  but  let  it  become  reasonably  scarce 

and  she  would  have  it  or  die.     He  wished 

27 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

that  tie  had  anticipated  this.  He  might 
have  given  Daisy  a  special  mixture  of 
chilled  orange-juice,  and  a  dash  of  bitters. 
It  would  have  tasted  just  as  medicinal  to 
her,  and  saved  a  cocktail.  Henry's  life 
long  habit  of  quick  calculation  —  for  he 
was  one  of  those  awe-inspiring  individuals 
who  can  figure  interest  in  their  heads  — 
acted  mechanically,  informing  him  that  he 
had  just  poured  nectar  to  the  approximate 
value  of  twenty-six  and  a  half  cents  past  a 
palate  no  more  capable  than  a  drain  of  ex 
tracting  value  from  it.  The  sum  thus 
squandered  was  more  than  the  gross  com 
mission  on  two  baby  bonds.  He  served 
A.  Sturtevant  with  his  second  instalment 
and  had  to  squeeze  the  shaker  for  Tommy 
Blair.  Blair  laughed. 

"Why  the  sudden  shortage,  Henry?" 
There  was  the  faintest  imaginable  under 
tone  in   that  speech.     Henry   felt   it   and 
28 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLAKS 

chafed  at  it.  Piker!  Blair  would  think 
that  Henry,  popularly  supposed  to  own  a 
veritable  cave,  was  niggardly  to  a  matter 
of  drops.  While  he  was  fumbling  for  a 
retort,  Millicent  surged  loyally  to  the  res 
cue. 

"  Yes,  we  have  got  to  economize  on  the 
trimmings,"  she  said,  with  fine  frankness. 
"  We  couldn't  afford  to  lay  in  a  supply  of 
everything,  so  we  just  naturally  special 
ized.  We'll  have  to  stop  serving  cocktails 
long  before  the  rest  of  you  do,  but  —  "  She 
paused.  Henry,  an  Ananias,  admiring  his 
Sapphira's  invention  while  he  kept  an  eye 
out  for  stray  thunderbolts,  felt  the  in 
creased  interest.  Millicent  laughed. 

"  Maybe  you'll  think  it's  plain  extrava 
gance,  but  Henry  and  I  reasoned  it  out  that 
everybody  else  would  stock  up  on  the  hard 
things  —  and  it's  natural  enough,  too,  con 
sidering  how  much  farther  your  money 
29 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

goes  that  way  —  but  we  wanted  to  be  sort 
of  original,  you  know.  So  Henry  bought 
mostly  wines.  They  don't  go  so  far,  of 
course,  but  after  all  — " 

Tommy  Blair  exploded  in  confirmation. 

"She's  right,  by  George,  she's  right! 
That's  sure  as  shooting !  Take  a  look  over 
your  horrid  pasts.  You  don't  have  any 
very  dramatic  thoughts  about  some  one 
highball  you  had  last  summer,  do  you?  Or 
a  Tom  Collins  on  the  club  porch,  after  golf? 
Answer:  you  do  not.  You  don't  even  re 
member  whether  you  had  one.  But  the 
time  you  got  reckless  at  the  Waldorf  and 
blew  your  party  to  four  quarts  of  Yellow 
Label,  1907  —  oh,  boy ! » 

There  was  a  distinct  hiatus  as  the  idea 
mushroomed  in  eleven  minds.  Henry  could 
actually  see  it  expanding.  His  own  brain, 
incorrigibly  financial,  was  leaping  at  the 
jinathematics  of  it.  It  was  genius  on 
30 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

Milly's    part,    all    right,    and    Blair    had 
clinched  it  for  her,  but  .  .  .  whew! 

Then  the  hum  and  clatter  enveloped  Mil- 
licent  and  Henry  with  her.  They  drifted 
into  the  dining-room  on  the  crest  of  it  — 
the  agreeable  dining-room  with  its  maxi 
mum  capacity  of  twelve.  There  was  a 
wine-glass  at  every  place  —  even  Daisy's. 
Always  before  she  had  turned  it  primly 
down,  but  tonight,  as  Henry's  hypnotized 
attention  fell  upon  it,  it  seemed  to  lift  its 
face  like  a  thirsty  flower.  A  vertical  line 
grooved  its  path  between  Henry's  eye 
brows.  The  glasses  meant  sauterne,  of 
course  ...  a  final,  prodigal  splash  with 
all  the  ultimate  four  bottles.  Milly  must 
have  planned  this  all  along  ...  it  was 
reckless,  looking  at  it  one  way,  and  then, 
again,  it  might  be  the  best  thing  that  could 
have  happened.  It  was  pretty  fair  sau 
terne,  too  —  the  precious  remnant  of  those 
31 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

days  before  the  war.     Yes,  they  could  get 
by  with  it  tonight.     But  .  .  .  afterward? 

Jordan's  voice  reached  him,  and  Jordan's 
toice  was  complacent  with  the  note  in 
tvhich  Oakmont's  inner  circle  spoke  of  the 
outsiders. 

"  Henry  was  press-agenting  another  haul 
in  front  of  Hammond  and  Me  Ivor,  on  the 
train  out/'  he  declared.  "  Tom  Blair  and 
I  saw  you,  Henry.  That's  cruelty  to  chil 
dren." 

Henry,  emerging  from  arithmetic,  ri 
posted  sharply. 

"  They're  all  right,"  he  asserted.  "  Ed 
Hammond's  a  perfectly  good  scout.  He's  a 
college  man,  and  he  was  quoting  poetry  on 
the  train  this  afternoon.  I  like  him." 

Conversation    stopped.     Everybody    lis 
tened.     Jordan  chuckled.     "  Certainly.     So 
do  I.     He's  a  good  man  in  his  place.     None 
better.     But  Tiffany  — " 
32 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

"  Tiffany's  a  little  different,  maybe,"  con 
ceded  Henry.  "But  he's  —  he's  a  rough 
diamond  just  the  same  —  a  good,  solid  citi 
zen.  You  people  don't  know  him  as  I  do, 
that's  all." 

It  was  almost  heresy.  Henry  could  feel 
Millicent's  eyes  rebuking  him.  He  could 
see  the  displeased  surprise  in  Jordan's 
face.  Jordan  couldn't  bear  to  have  any  one 
disagree  with  him.  Henry's  annoyance 
suddenly  crystallized. 

"It  makes  me  tired  —  this  idea  that 
selling  bonds  or  real  estate  or  what  not  is 
so  almighty  exclusive,  and  selling  groceries 
is  degrading,"  he  said  forcibly.  "  I  like 
Ed  Hammond  and  I  don't  care  who  knows 
it."  He  groped  for  support.  "  And  let 
me  tell  you  something  —  Ed  Hammond's 
got  more  stuff  laid  away  than  all  the  rest 
of  us  put  together.  Tiffany  has,  too. 
Hammond  just  cleaned  out  his  stores  and 
33 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

let  hi»  friends  in  on  it  when  he  had  enough. 
If  Milly's  right,  and  the  ability  to  give  real 
dinners  is  going  to  be  a  social  asset  out 
here,  you  can  take  it  from  me  that  you're 
going  to  reckon  with  the  Hammonds  and 
the  Tiffanys  —  you  see  if  you  don't." 

It  pleased  him  to  observe  the  effect  of 
his  revelation.  Hammond  could  have 
made*  a  million  dollars  over  night  without 
impressing  any  of  them.  But  a  man  who, 
while  not  an  Insider,  was  still  not  positively 
aboriginal,  and  who  had  Ed  Hammond's  op 
portunities  for  warehousing  —  it  was  the 
same  phenomenon  as  the  candy-shop. 
Henry  found  converts  among  the  men,  with 
remarkable  ease.  Even  A.  Sturtevant 
Jordan  acknowledged,  after  an  argument, 
that  to  draw  an  impassable  gulf  around  a 
personable  owner  of  a  chain  of  groceries 
wasn't  sound  democracy.  Of  course,  if  he 
had  owned  only  one  .  .  .  and  if  he  had 
34 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLAKS 

stood  behind  the  counter  personally,  .  .  5 
that  would  be  very  different. 

Later,  however,  when  they  were  locking 
up,  Millicent  had  views  of  her  own. 
"  Don't  you  realize  that  you've  made  things 
infinitely  worse,  Henry? "  she  demanded. 
"You've  put  the  thought  into  their  heads 
that  those  awful  people  are  possible! 
Don't  you  see  there's  no  room  for  anybody 
else?  There  isn't  a  dining-room  in  Oak- 
mont  that'll  hold  more  than  twelve,  com 
fortably.  If  the  Hammonds  get  in,  or 
the  Tiffanys,  somebody's  got  to  go  out  to 
make  room  for  them.  And  it  might  per 
fectly  well  be  us  —  it  will  be  us,  as  a  matter 
of  fact,  if  they  ever  find  out  we  were  just 
bluffing,  and  if  they  happen  to  think  the 
Hammonds  are  just  as  nice  as  we  are — - 
which  you  said  yourself !  - —  and  better  en 
tertainers  ! " 

Henry   protected   himself  stolidly.    "If 
35 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

all  they  care  about  us  is  what  we  can  give 
'em  to  eat  and  drink,  the  sooner  they  drop 
us  the  better.  I'm  not  running  any  road- 
house  out  here !  I  guess  we  can  find  friends 
enough.  I  never  did  think  a  whole  lot  of 
this  sacred-six  business,  anyway.  If  it's 
getting  to  the  point  where  it  doesn't  mean 
anything  but  the  six  best  cellars,  we  don't 
belong  to  it,  and  that's  a  fact.  Hammond 
and  Tiffany  are  right  at  the  top  of  that 
list.  I  don't  want  to  talk  about  it  any 
more.  It  makes  me  tired." 

Nevertheless  the  conception  of  becoming 
one  of  the  great  majority  instead  of  remain 
ing  one  of  the  innermost  six,  was  distinctly 
repellent  to  Henry.  And  he  weakened 
under  Millicent's  swift  attacks  —  attacks 
based  on  the  optimism  he  had  displayed 
when  he  first  came  home, —  until  he  yielded 
unconditionally,  with  a  promise  to  ransack 
the  city  tomorrow  and  to  buy,  regardless  of 
36 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

cost,  regardless  of  bargain,  enough  to  jus 
tify  their  present  rank  in  life. 

The  Blairs'  dinner,  during  the  next  week, 
was  wetter  than  any  Blair  dinner  had  ever 
been,  and  it  apparently  set  a  standard  by 
which  Oakmont  dinners  were  to  be  judged. 
It  wasn't  that  this  dozen  of  suburbanites 
were  entirely  dependent  upon  stimulants 
for  their  congeniality,  but  that  their  eager 
ness  to  outwit  a  situation  was  aroused. 
Furthermore,  it  was  evident  that  the  world 
was  to  be  divided,  in  a  few  brief  weeks,  into 
two  main  classes:  those  to  be  for  ever  ob 
ligated  to  their  friends  for  little  charities 
• —  and  those  to  be  never  repaid.  It  wasn't 
the  actual  serving  of  an  old-fashioned  din 
ner  which  counted  —  it  was  the  ability  to 
serve  it.  And  after  the  Blair  dinner,  peo 
ple  began  to  like  to  produce  evidence. 

Scouting  desperately,  Henry  picked  up 
37 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

occasional  odd  lots  of  light  wine  at  prices 
which  ate  acidly  into  his  soul.  Eight  bot 
tles  of  Pontet  Canet  was  the  supreme  sac 
rifice.  He  couldn't  replenish,  except  at 
hideous  expense,  his  supply  of  cocktail  ma 
terial,  so  that  he  relied  upon  Millicent's 
diplomacy,  and  didn't  replenish  it.  But 
the  future  held  no  cheer.  Inevitably  he 
would  be  exposed.  Henry  suffered,  and 
bought  two  dozen  domestic  champagne  at  a 
price  which  finally  settled  the  question  of 
trading  in  the  old  car.  But  his  soul  re 
volted  at  the  cost  of  the  genuine  French  lux 
ury,  and  Millicent  finally  released  him  from 
his  promise. 

"  We  can  make  champagne  cup,"  she  said, 
loyally,  "and  nobody'll  ever  suspect.  So 
don't  do  anything  more  about  it  till  I  tell 
you  to." 

Henry  dropped  in  at  Mclvor  Tiffany's  on 
several  occasions  and  wasn't  uplifted  by  the 
38 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

prosperity  he  found  there.  He  observed, 
not  without  misgivings,  that  Tiffany 
played  golf  with  Clarence  Holsappel  on 
Saturday  afternoon,  and  that  sometimes  on 
the  5.15  from  New  York,  Tommy  Blair 
marched  past  the  vacant  seat  at  Henry's  el 
bow  in  order  to  choose  the  one  beside  Ed 
Hammond. 

From  Millicent  he  learned  that  a  similar 
movement  was  under  way  on  the  feminine 
side.  She  herself  had  discovered  that  Hope 
Tiffany  was  awfully  nice,  and  had  asked  her 
to  tea;  at  Mrs.  Jordan's  she  had  been  made 
acquainted  with  Mrs.  Ed  Hammond,  a 
quiet,  grave-eyed  little  woman  who  seemed 
to  be  watching  something  with  deep  inter 
est. 

Millicent's  inspiration  at  their  own  din 
ner  had  been  fortunate  in  one  unexpected 
way.  In  naming  wine  as  the  Carpenter 
specialty  she  had  unintentionally  made  it 
39 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLABS 

possible  to  avoid  exposure  except  through 
large  and  stately  affairs.  She  had  led  up 
to  a  natural  failure  to  provide  for  informal 
occasions.  It  was  all  right  for  the  Carpen 
ters  to  serve  mint  lemonade  after  bridge,  or 
they  could  open  bottles  of  Hoppo  instead  of 
producing  a  siphon  and  Scotch.  Every 
thing  would  be  understood  and  every  one 
content.  Millicent  pointed  out  the  advan 
tages  of  this  situation,  and  Henry,  agreeing 
with  her  as  to  the  present,  still  continued 
to  brood  gloomily  upon  the  day  of  reckon 
ing. 

The  half-dozen  families  which  Henry  had 
dubbed  "  the  sacred  six  "  still  held  together, 
but  it  was  clear  even  to  Henry's  masculine 
perceptions  that  the  linking,  which  for  the 
past  year  had  been  growing  looser,  was  now 
feebler  every  day.  He  approved,  dubiously, 
of  Millicent's  developing  strategics.  She 
was  taking  up  both  the  Tiffanys  and  the 
40 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

Hammonds,  not  too  pointedly,  to  be  sure, 
but  unmistakably.  The  Carpenters  played 
bridge  at  the  Hammonds',  and  the  Ham 
monds  returned  the  visit  a  few  evenings 
later;  Millicent  finally  went  so  far  as  to 
have  the  Tiffanys  for  a  very  informal  little 
dinner  at  which  fully  a  third  of  the  true, 
Gallic  claret  was  daringly  poured.  Mclvor 
Tiffany,  perceiving  that  his  own  method 
had  been  perhaps  too  narrow,  chaffered  in 
regard  to  a  possible  trade.  He  wasn't  so 
much  interested  in  the  claret,  he  said,  but 
he  might  be  willing  to  swap  for  a  few  bot 
tles  of  champagne,  and,  at  a  pinch,  he'd 
even  consider  the  Pontet  Canet.  Henry 
was  groggy,  but  Millicent  came  to  the  fore 
and  gently  rejected  the  proposition. 

"We'd   love    to,"    she    said    regretfully, 

"  but  we  can't.     We  made  up  our  minds  to 

be  specialists  and  we've  got  to  stick  to  it. 

Of  course  I  don't  care  much  one  way  or  the 

41 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

other,  but  Henry  — "  Here  she  gave  Henry 
the  high  sign,  and  in  spite  of  himself  he  had 
to  confirm  her  policies.  The  strange  thing 
about  it  was  that  Tiffany  acted  as  though  he 
liked  Henry  better  after  the  refusal. 

The  frontiers  of  Oakmont,  although  wab 
bling,  stood  unchanged.  The  six  remained 
the  six,  and  the  outsiders  stayed  outside, 
but  changes  appeared  in  the  situation. 
The  Tiffanys  and  Hammonds,  for  example, 
stood  out  as  leaders  of  a  new  group  which 
capitalized  its  resources,  held  dinners  and 
dances  at  the  Country  Club,  and  conducted 
itself  generally  as  though  it  had  ceased  to 
realize  its  position.  There  was  a  vague 
challenge  in  this  behaviour.  Exclusiveness 
fails  of  its  purpose  when  those  who  are  ex 
cluded  ignore  the  fact,  It  required  an  ap 
preciable  effort  on  Mrs.  Carpenter's  part  to 
maintain  her  sweetness  toward  Hope  Tif 
fany. 

'42 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

The  McAllisters,  whose  dinner  to  the  six 
followed  close  on  the  barbaric  splendours  of 
the  last  outsiders'  party  at  the  Country 
Club,  unwisely  decided  on  competition. 
They  cut  deeply  into  their  reserves,  and 
Henry  awoke,  the  next  morning,  with  a 
disillusioning  reminiscence  of  undergradu 
ate  days. 

"  Enough's  enough,"  said  Henry  to  him 
self,  on  the  way  to  town,  "  and  too  much  is 
plenty.  I'm  out  of  my  class.  For  two 
cents  I'd  cut  the  whole  thing  and  join 
the  W.  C.  T.  U.—  hanged  if  I  wouldn't. 
And  I  wouldn't  be  so  darned  lonesome, 
either." 

For  already  the  austere  element,  which 
had  always  held  itself  aloof  from  the  effer 
vescence  of  both  insiders  and  outsiders,  was 
voicing  an  audible  disapproval  of  the  mo 
mentum  which  Oakmont's  relaxations  were 
gathering;  and  to  the  cohorts  of  the  austere 
43 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLAES 

had  flocked  a  number  of  those  who,  neither 
In,  nor  Out,  nor  In-Between,  had  preached 
and  practised  moderation  in  the  days  of 
bounty. 

It  was  schedule  time  for  the  Carpenters 
to  give  another  dinner  to  the  Six.  Their 
unwritten  traditions  were  sacredly  obliga 
tory,  and  now  more  than  ever.  Five  times 
the  Carpenters  had  drunk  deep  of  other 
people's  hospitality ;  it  was  essential  to  bal 
ance  the  account.  The  schedule  was  ada 
mant,  and  the  guests  were  confident  that 
Henry  would  prove  a  superlative  host.  A. 
Sturtevant  Jordan  emitted  ponderous  jests 
with  reference  to  vintages  of  unspeakable 
rarity;  others  of  the  circle  said  less  but 
looked  as  much  or  more,  and  Henry  specu 
lated  on  the  trials  of  Judgment  Day. 

Millicent,  in  planning  the  campaign,  sud 
denly  became  unreconciled  to  the  absence  of 
cocktails. 

44 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

"  But,  my  dear !  "  protested  Henry  weak 
ly.  "  We've  gone  over  this  thing  time  and 
time  again,  and  right  from  the  beginning 
you  said — " 

"Oh,  that!"  responded  Millicent. 
"  That  was  before  I  thought.  I've  changed 
my  mind." 

"  Thank  the  Lord  you  can't  change 
mine !  "  said  Henry.  "  What's  made  you 
think  we  need  cocktails?  " 

"  Because  people  will  need  something  or 
they'll  guess.  I  don't  know  how  I  missed 
that,  Henry.  They'll  eat  canned  soup  with 
out  a  quiver  if  they've  had  something  be 
forehand —  nobody  thinks  much  about  eat 
ing  at  a  dinner  —  but  if  they  have  to  wait 
until  the  roast  and  then  only  get  a  stingy 
glass  or  two  of  real  claret  or  American 
champagne  — " 

"Very  well,  then."  Henry  reddened. 
"If  they  don't  like  it  they  know  where  they 
45 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

can  go.  I  tell  you  one  thing,  Milly:  they 
won't  get  any  three-dollar  cocktails  here. 
[Vermouth's  up  to  twenty-eight  dollars  a 
quart  right  now.  Never  again!  Besides, 
I  thought  you  said  we'd  make  champagne 
cup." 

"  We  can't,"  said  Millicent  simply.  "  It 
isn't  done.  I  didn't  know  it  until  yester 
day.  I  mentioned  it  —  just  to  find  out  — 
and  they  say  it's  plebeian.  You'll  have  to 
get  something  real." 

"I  will  —  not,"  said  Henry  firmly. 

"  Then  we'll  give  'em  just  what  we've  got 
and  have  it  over  with,"  she  returned,  with 
equal  firmness. 

He  came  home,  the  following  night,  to 
find  a  note  from  Miss  Virginia  Jasper 
awaiting  him.  Millicent  flicked  it  toward 
him  carelessly.  She  had  been  using  it,  un 
opened,  as  a  bookmark,  and  she  was  a 
quarter  of  an  inch  deep  in  fhe  story;  before 
46 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

he  had  torn  the  end  of  the  prim,  stiff  en 
velope,  inscribed  in  the  prim,  stiff  script. 

Henry  liked  the  old  lady,  quite  aside 
from  the  fact  that  she  was  some  shadowy 
kin  of  his  mother's.  It  was  comfortable  to 
drop  back  into  the  eighties  by  sitting  in 
one  of  Miss  Jasper's  plush  chairs,  his  feet 
profaning  an  unfaded,  cabbage-size  rose  of 
the  Brussels  carpet,  his  eyes  soothed  by  an 
timacassars,  wax-fruit  displays  below  glass 
bells,  crayon  enlargements  surrounded  by 
elaborate  gilt  frames,  the  iron  fire-place  in 
the  white  marble  hearth,  the  Rogers  group, 
the  prisms  dangling  from  the  gasolier  which 
sprouted  downward  from  a  plaster  rosette 
in  the  ceiling.  And  Miss  Jasper,  magnifi 
cently  untouched  by  time  —  Victorian  even 
unto  her  abhorrence  for  telephone  and  elec 
tric  lights  —  fitted  perfectly  into  this  back 
ground;  a  plump,  rosy,  placid  old  maid  of 
the  type  which  makes  of  spinsterhood  a 
47 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

profession  as  exacting  and  definite  as  that 
of  the  Vestal  Virgin  herself. 

Naturally,  since  she  was  now  in  process 
of  recovery  from  influenza,  and  on  principle 
estopped  from  telephoning  Henry,  she 
wrote  him  : 


dear  Henry: 
I  write  you  in  much  Distress.  There  is 
no  one  else  to  whom  I  may  turn  for  Advice 
and  Assistance  in  a  Matter  with  which  I 
cannot  cope  unaided.  Will  you  come  to 
see  me  on  Thursday  Evening  if  possible?  I 
am  sorry  to  trouble  you,  but  I  am  sure  that 
I  may  always  count  upon  your  Sympathy 
and  Understanding. 

Affectionately  yours, 

VIRGINIA  JASPER. 

Henry  tossed  the  note  to  Millicent  with 
out  comment.  She  glanced  through  it,  and 
laughed. 

"How  stupid  for  you,  Henry.  She's  a 
dear  old  thing,  but  I  know  her  like  a  book. 
'48 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

All  she  wants  is  to  talk  to  somebody  about 
how  ungrateful  the  Dorcas  Society  is,  or 
whatever  it  is  she  spends  her  time  over,  and 
you're  the  only  man  she  knows.  I'm  aw 
fully  sorry.  It'll  take  your  whole  evening." 

"  She's  all  right,"  defended  Henry, 
stoutly.  "  She's  one  person  that  would 
stick  to  us  through  thick  and  then.  I 
couldn't  say  that  about  all  your  acquaint 
ances —  or  mine  either.  They  don't  make 
friends  like  her,  nowadays." 

Millicent  laughed  again.  "  You'd  better 
not  tell  her  you've  just  paid  your  bill  of  a 
hundred  and  -sixty  dollars  for  Onoudaga 
County  champagne,  then.  I  don't  know 
whether  she'd  stick  to  you,  after  that,  or 
not.  .  .  .  That  reminds  me.  They  say  she's 
holding  up  the  arms  of  old  Mrs.  Teak,  just 
now.  They're  organizing  some  kind  of  a 
law-enforcement  league  to  snoop  into  peo 
ple's  ice-boxes  when  the  law  takes  effect." 
49 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

Henry  snorted.  "Ours  will  be  plenty 
sanitary  by  that  time,  all  right." 

He  drove  his  little  tin-plated  runabout 
up  the  hill,  after  dinner,  to  the  prim,  trim 
little  house  where  Miss  Jasper  had  rooted 
as  irremovably  as  a  tree,  long  before  Oak- 
niont  came  into  being.  A  gaunt,  vinegar- 
mouthed  tire-woman  admitted  him;  he 
found  Miss  Jasper  knitting,  her  feet  on  a 
carpet-covered  hassock,  her  face  set  in  grim, 
grave  lines.  She  approached  her  revela 
tions  indirectly,  and,  accustomed  to  her 
processes,  he  made  no  effort  to  hurry  her. 
After  he  had  listened  for  half  an  hour  she 
dropped  her  needles  and  faced  him  reso 
lutely. 

"  Henry,  I  sent  for  you  because  I'm  in  a 
bad  fix.  I  want  you  to  get  me  out  of  it. 
You  can." 

Miss  Jasper's  speech  had  no  resemblance 
to  her  letters.  She  had  been  educated  in 
a  day  in  which  it  was-  held  impossibly  un- 
50 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

couth  to  use  vulgar  diction  in  correspond 
ence  and  there  had  been  a  promise  of  a 
Chinese  difference  between  the  written  and 
spoken  English  idiom. 

"  I'll  try,"  said  Henry.     «  What  is  it?  " 

Miss  Jasper's  colour  deepened  by  two 
shades.  "  It!s  Charles,"  she  declared, 
warmly.  "  My  half-brother." 

Henry  waited  patiently.  He  remem 
bered  Charles,  the  half-brother.  A  furtive 
person,  Charles,  who  had  lived  at  Miss  Jas 
per's  house  for  eight  or  nine  years,  pro 
fessed  the  highest  degree  of  asceticism, 
read  de  Quincy  for  pleasure,  let  himself  be 
known  to  hardly  a  soul  in  Oakmont,  and 
died  unobtrusively  a  few  years  ago. 

"  You  know  that  I've  always  been  op 
posed  to  liquor,"  she  went  on,  presently. 
"  I've  belonged  to  the  Woman's  Christian 
Temperance  Union  ever  since  it  was  started, 
and  I  belong  to  the  Anti-Saloon  League  and 
51 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

the  Law  and  Order  Society  and  several 
others.  Everybody  knows  it.  It's  one  of 
my  convictions.  And  I'm  invited  to  be  an 
Honorary  Vice-President  of  the  Law  En 
forcement  League  Mrs.  Teak  is  organizing. 
I'm  supposed  to  be  one  of  the  oldest  pro 
hibitionists  in  the  county."  Her  voice 
rose.  "And  here  I  find,  all  of  a  sudden, 
that  I've  got  my  cellar  half  full  of  rum!" 

Henry  sat  very  still,  trying  to  surround 
the  intelligence. 

"Kuin?"  he  managed  to  echo,  dully. 

"  Yes  —  wine  or  beer  of  whiskey  or 
something  like  that.  Boxes  and  boxes  of 
it!  Under  my  roof  for  fifteen  years  and  I 
never  dreamed  of  it!  I  mean,  I  knew  he 
had  it,  but  I  didn't  know  what  it  was. 
Charles  brought  it  with  him  when  he  came 
to  live  with  me  in  1904.  He  said  it  was 
mineral  water  he  had  to  take  for  his  rheu 
matism.  He  always  carried  it  with  him 
52 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

wherever  he  went.  I  never  saw  him  drink 
any  of  it.  And  after  he  died  it  just  stayed 
there.  It  was  in  a  closet  we  hardly  ever 
look  at.  I'd  forgotten  all  about  it  until 
Susan  and  I  were  moving  some  old  fur 
niture  this-  morning  and  came  across  it. 
There  was  one  box  that  had  been  opened. 
I  found  one  bottle  of  this  —  this  liquor  in 
it.  I  —  I  don't  know  what  it  is,  but  I'm 
perfectly  sure  it  isn't  mineral  water.  Come 
and  look  at  it,  Henry." 

She  unlocked  the  sideboard  in  the  dining- 
room  and  stealthily  produced  a  bottle, 
a  dark,  long-necked,  dust-covered  bottle 
which  sent  a  thrill  down  Henry's  spine. 
He  took  it  almost  reverently. 

'Johannisberger  Bewern  Auslese  —  1878. 

Generally  speaking,  Henry  was  no  con 
noisseur.  He  belonged  to  that  great 
American  public  which  finds  a  blissful 
pleasure  in;  say,  Yellow  Label,  1907,  be- 
53 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

cause  it  is  thoroughly  convinced  that  it 
ought  to,  and  because  it  has  the  testimony 
of  the  marginal  figures  in  the  wine-card  to 
confirm  the  theory.  But  he  happened  to 
know  that  Bewern  Auslese  of  1878  was  a 
wine  for  which  a  true  connoisseur  would 
commit  any  crime  in  the  calendar,  a  vintage 
practically  exhausted  long  before  the  war,  a 
thing  above  and  beyond  price,  splendid,  ma 
jestic,  unique. 

"Is  it  —  intoxicating?"  Miss  Jasper 
whispered  the  question  in  the  tone  of  one 
who  still  harbours  a  faint  hope.  Henry 
nodded. 

"  Yes,"  he  said  thickly.  «  It's  wine  —  I 
—  I  think  it's  what  they  call  Rhine  wine." 

Miss  Jasper  sniffed.  "  M'ff !  German, 
too ! "  Plainly  its  Teutonic  associations 
added  to  its  sinfulness. 

"  How  much  of  it  did  you  say  you  had?  " 
54 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

he  asked,  setting  the  bottle  reverently  back 
on  the  sideboard. 

"  I  didn't  count,"  said  Miss  Jasper. 
"  But  there  must  be  seven  or  eight  big  boxes 
of  it  —  all  just  alike  and  all  marked  with 
the  —  the  Johnny  Burger  name  like  the  one 
on  this  bottle.  When  I  think  of  how 
Charles  deceived  me — "  She  compressed 
her  lips.  "He  knew  perfectly  how  I  felt 
about  liquor.  The  idea  of  filling  up  my 
house  with  that  nasty  stuff  —  and  pretend 
ing  it  was  .  .  .  Ugh ! "  She  shuddered. 

"Yes.  He  shouldn't  have  done  that." 
Henry  was  slowly  recovering  from  the 
shock.  Seven  or  eight  cases  of  1878  Johan- 
nisberger!  Seven  or  eight  cases  .  .  . 
sev —  He  forced  himself  to  a  timid  ques 
tion,  doing  valiant  battle  against  a  scream 
ing  conscience. 

"  I  suppose  you  want  me  to  —  sell  it  for 
you/'  he  said,  hesitantly. 
55 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

"Sell  it?  I?"  Miss  Jasper  stared  at 
him.  "  Do  you  imagine  for  a  moment  that 
I'd  be  a  party  to  throwing  that  poison  out 
before  innocent  people?  Do  you  think  I'd 
help  to  —  to  spread  the  curse  of  rum  among 
my  neighbours?  Why,  Henry !  Any  one  of 
those  bottles  might  be  the  means  of  giving 
some  fine  young  man  an  appetite  for  it! 
Think  of  it!  Suppose  I  should  be  respon 
sible  for  starting  some  other  woman's  son 
or  husband  on  a  .  .  " 

"I  see/'  said  Henry,  stupidly.  "Yes, 
Aunt  Virginia,  that  would  be  awful  —  espe 
cially  now  that  it's  so  hard  to  get."  He 
bit  his  lip  savagely. 

Miss  Jasper,  who  hadn't  caught  the  last 
of  the  sentence,  shook  her  head.  "  No," 
she  said.  "  No !  Not  a  drop  of  that 
wretched  stuff  shall  ever  pass  human  lips 
if  I  can  help  it.  And  I  can!  That's  why 
I  sent  for  you,  Henry.  I  couldn't  do  it  my- 
56 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

self,  and  I  don't  trust  Michael.  He  cuts 
grass  for  half  a  dozen  families  on  the  hill, 
and  Susan  says  his  tongue's  longer  than 
any  living  woman's.  He'd  tell  everybody 
that  I'd  had  a  cellar  full  of  rum  for  years." 
She  shuddered  again.  "  I  know  he  would. 
Just  think  of  it.  There's  nobody  but  you, 
Henry.  I  know  I  can  trust  you  not  to 
tell." 

"I  won't,"  said  Henry,  shakily.  "Of 
course  I  won't.  Hardly !  But  —  but  what 
do  you  wrant  me  to  do  with  it,  if  you  won't 
sell  it  and  don't  want  to  keep  it?  " 

Miss  Jasper  grasped  the  bottle  firmly  by 
its  convenient  neck.  Her  face  assumed  the 
sacrificial  expression  of  the  zealot  about  to 
do  justice  on  a  heretic. 

"  I  want  you  to  cart  every  one  of  those 
boxes    away    somewhere,"    she    whispered, 
"  into  the  woods  —  now  —  and  smash  every 
single  bottle  into  a  thousand  pieces ! " 
57 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

She  punctuated  the  climax  by  bringing 
down  the  bottle  on  the  marble  slab  of  the 
sideboard.  There  was  a  musical  tinkling 
of  splintering  glass,  a  whimper  of  flowing 
liquid.  A  glorious,  ineffable  bouquet  im 
pregnated  the  chaste  atmosphere. 

"  I'll  do  it ! "  said  Henry,  resolutely. 
"Ill  do  it  now.  This  minute.  I'll  take 
two  cases  right  with  me,  and  come  back  for 
the  rest.  Trust  me,  Aunt  Virginia.  I'll 
help  you ! " 

"And  you'll  never  tell  anybody  —  not 
even  Millicent?" 

"Well,  not  unless  she  finds  it  out," 
swore  Henry. 

"  Of  course,"  said  Miss  Jasper,  with  tears 
starting  in  her  eyes,  "I  loved  Charles, 
but—" 

"  So  did  I,"  said  Henry,  with  bottomless 
sympathy. 


58 


PART  II 


II 


NOTHING  so  modern  as  electricity 
had  forced  an  entrance  into  Miss 
Jasper's     maidenly     house.     She 
gave  Henry  a  tallow  candle  which,  as  it 
diluted  the  cellar  darkness  to  a  weak  so 
lution  of  visibility,  he  found  well  suited  to 
the  dramatic  quality  of  the  proceedings. 

Miss  Jasper,  glued  to  the  head  of  the 
stairway  by  her  conviction  that  rats  are 
more  formidable  by  night  than  by  day, 
guided  him,  vocally,  to  a  bosky  compart 
ment  beyond  the  furnace.  The  compart 
ment  was  divided  by  a  rough  partition  into 
two  cell-like  halves,  where  retired  chairs, 
superannuated  bedsteads,  and  a  vast  com 
plement  of  miscellaneous)  litter  had  lain 
quietly  for  years  until  its  recent  inspec- 
61 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

tion,  with  a  view  to  bestowal  upon  the  Sal 
vation  Army.  In  one  of  the  cells,  which 
evidently  had  received  priority  in  the  over 
hauling,  everything  had  been  religiously 
cleared  from  the  vicinity  of  the  Scourge. 
The  stencilling  on  the  double  pile  of  cases 
which  stood  against  the  masonry  was 
breathlessly  distinct.  Henry  stood  in  rapt 
contemplation  until  a  drop  of  hot  tallow  on 
his  wrist  waked  him  to  action. 

One  of  the  topmost  cases,  its  cover  lifted, 
was  fitted  with  thin  shrouds  of  straw. 
Henry  nodded,  as  Sherlock  Holmes  would 
have  nodded.  This  was  the  case  in  which 
Miss  Jasper  had  found  the  single  clue  to 
the  horrific  secret.  Careless  of  his  shirt- 
front  —  for  this  was  no  time  to  delay,  or 
to  balk  at  trifles  —  he  gathered  it  to  his 
bosom,  and  steered  a  cautious  course  with 
it  back  to  the  stairs. 

Again  and  again  he  made  the  pilgrimage, 
62 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

clutching  each  of  the  heavier  boxes  to  him 
in  a  death-grip,  until  all  eight  cases,  seven 
of  them  gloriously  burdensome,  reposed  in 
the  covering  darkness  of  Miss  Jasper's  side 
porch. 

She  reproached  herself  for  his  ruined 
linen  and  his  damaged  dinner-coat.  Se 
cure  in  the  contrast  between  a  three-dollar 
shirt  and  a  fifty-dollar  jacket,  and  seven 
cases  of  Johannisberger,  1878,  he  made 
light  of  the  damage.  Measured  in  mere 
dollars  the  comparison  was  ludicrous. 
Measured  by  the  new,  elusive  standard  of 
exclusiveness,  it  became  startling.  But  he 
concealed  his  emotions. 

He  dared  not  load  the  tiny  car  with  more 
than  two  cases  at  a  time,  and  he  drove  down 
the  long  hill  more  cautiously  than  if  he  had 
been  ferrying  a  patient  with  a  broken  leg. 
When  he  arrived  at  his  own  house,  he  found 
Millicent  waiting  for  him. 
63 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

"There's  a  long-distance  call  for  you," 
she  announced.  "  I  thought  you  were  go 
ing  to  stay  up  there  all  night  .  .  ,  What 
on  earth's  that?  and  what's  happened  to 
your  clothes,  Henry?" 

Henry  indulged  in  the  wild  laughter 
that  clamoured  for  escape.  Before  he  had 
recovered,  her  quick  eyesight  had  relieved 
him  of  his  oath.  Therefore  he  set  the  situ 
ation  before  her  in  all  its  bald  comedy,  saw 
its  immensity  dawn  on  her  intelligence,  and 
drove  back  for  the  second  trip.  By  a  quar 
ter  of  eleven  o'clock  the  trucking  was  com 
pleted,  and  both  the  Carpenters  were  radi 
antly  speechless  with  relief.  So  was  Miss 
Jasper. 

There  was  a  lock  on  the  fruit-cellar  door, 
a  cheap,  rickety  affair  not  wholly  impervi 
ous  even  to  a  hairpin.  Henry  became 
aware  of  its  futility  as  he  closed  the  door; 
so  that  he  brought  out  the  stout  chain  and 
64 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

padlock  he  had  used  to  protect  spare  tires, 
and  affixed  them  to  the  flimsy  partition  with 
clinched  staples.  Not  until  then,  his  face 
fixed  in  a  grin  which  almost  ached,  did  he 
reward  the  agonized  endeavours  of  the  toll- 
operator. 

Ordinarily,  the  news  which  came  over  the 
wire  from  Chicago  would  have  flattened 
him.  His  partner's  panic,  caused  by  the 
fact  that  the  Western  bank  which  had  all 
but  agreed  to  take  over  a  certain  vital  issue, 
had  suddenly  decided  not  to  touch  it,  ought 
to  have  carried  consternation  to  Henry's 
soul. 

But  he  listened  almost  contemptuously  to 
his  partner's  story  of  defeat.  The  soothing 
consciousness  of  seven  cases  of  Bewern  Aus- 
Icse  1878  under  padlock  in  his  cellar, — 
seven  cases  free,  duty  free,  tax  free,  every 
thing  free  —  made  him  magnificently  im 
mune  to  the  vagaries  of  provincial  bankers. 
65 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

"Yes  .  .  .  yes  .  .  .  yes,  I  get  that  all 
right  .  .  .  Oh,  ridiculous!  I  said  —  tom- 
myrot.  No  —  tommyrotl  Don't  get  so 
fussed  about  it.  If  you  can't  swing  it,  I'll 
come  out  and  see  to  it  myself.  Keep  your 
shirt  on.  I  said  .  .  .  Oh,  never  mind. 
NOTHING!  Forget  it.  I'll  take  the  one 
o'clock  tonight,  and  be  with  you  day  after 
tomorrow.  Jolly  'em  along  till  then. 
Don't  worry.  I'll  handle  it  myself.  Good 
bye." 

He  heard  his  partner  gasp,  and  it  amused 
him,  loftily.  Henry's  inability  to  handle 
the  outside  end  of  their  business  was  an 
admitted  fact.  That  he  should  conquer 
where  his  partner  had  failed  —  and  in  the 
West  at  that  —  was  sheer  presumption. 
And  yet,  even  while  he  wound  up  the  inter 
view  with  bluff  assurance,  Henry  knew  that 
he  was  going  to  succeed.  "  I've  got  to  get 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

the  11.56  to  New  York  and  go  on  to  Chicago 
tonight/'  he  said  crisply  to  Millicent. 

He  impressed  her  as  emergency  valet, 
changing  his  clothes  while  she  packed  his 
bag  with  at  least  twice  the  linen  he  would 
require. 

"  Don't  whisper  a  syllable  about  the 
Johannisberger  to  a  soul.  Of  course  Aunt 
yirginia  can't  say  anything,  even  if  she 
finds  out,  but  she'd  never  forgive  me  ...  I 
feel  sort  of  mean  about  it,  too,  but  my  Lord ! 
Throw  it  away?  ...  It  won't  hurt  her  if 
she  doesn't  know  about  it  ...  My  dear 
child,  there  isn't  another  wine  fit  to 
be  mentioned  with  it  ...  Champagne's 
vulgar  by  the  side  of  it.  I  don't  believe 
there's  any  bigger  accumulation  of  it 
anywhere,  except  maybe  in  some  of  those 
old  German  castles  .  .  .  Whatever  you  do, 
don't  try  to  open  a  case  of  it  —  you  might 
67 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

smash  it  —  and  keep  that  Swede  out  of  the 
cellar  on  your  life." 

Millicent,  although  her  untutored  stand 
ards  still  clung  to  the  allure  of  bubbles  and 
sparkle,  was  impressed.  She  mentioned 
the  coming  dinner,  speculatively.  Henry 
was  sentient  of  an  unfamiliar  deference  in 
her  tone. 

"  I'll  get  back  in  plenty  of  time  for  that. 
All  I've  got  to  do  is  to  see  a  couple  of  bank 
ers  and  tell  'em  what's  what.  Take  me  a 
day,  maybe.  Two  at  the  outside.  Go  right 
ahead  with  the  party.  And,  oh!  Don't 
forget  this.  Get  hold  of  Mrs.  Tiffany. 
You  remember  they  wanted  to  swap?  Let 
'em  have  all  the  rest  of  the  claret,  and  get 
enough  things  back  so  we  can  have  some 
cocktails,  too.  This  time  we'll  h'ave  a  show 
down!" 

He  caught  the  Chicago  express  at  one 
68 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

o'clock,  outfaced  a  Pullman  conductor  who 
averred  an  utter  lack  of  lowers,  and  slept 
soundly.  Even  the  next  day's  tedium 
didn't  weaken  him;  he  contemplated  the 
coming  battle  with  the  bankers  quite  un 
concernedly.  His  partner,  a  victim  of  out 
spoken  depression,  marvelled  at  the  change 
in  Henry  when  he  met  him  at  the  station. 
His  partner  marvelled  still  more  during 
the  evening  session.  When  they  went  to 
bed  it  would  have  been  difficult  to  determine 
which  one  of  them  had  the  greater  con 
fidence  in  Henry. 

The  battle  lasted  two  days  instead  of  one, 
but  Henry  wasn't  to  be  denied.  He  swung 
aboard  his  train  an  altered  man,  a  ruler  of 
lesser  men,  followed  by  his  partner's  pro 
fane  congratulations.  Henry  was  self-de 
precatory,  but  not  in  the  manner  of  a  hypo 
crite.  Banking  matters,  now  that  they 
69 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLAES 

were  settled,  meant  nothing  to  him.  His 
ambitions  were  waiting  for  him  at  home. 
Piker?  Just  like  Napoleon.  , 

He  had  said  that  he  would  return  in  time 
for  the  dinner  of  a-tonement,  and  he  did,  but 
it  was  a  narrow  squeak.  He  reached  New 
York  barely  in  time  to  catch  the  5.40, 
which  deposited  him  at  the  Oakmont  sta 
tion  at  6.19.  It  was  half-past  six  before 
he  sprang  from  the  tin  taxicab,  took  his 
front  steps  three  at  a  stride,  and  burst  into 
his  front  hall,  with  the  dinner  guests  due  in 
an  hour. 

Millicent,  almost  dressed,  was  in  a  state 
of  high  excitement.  Her  kiss  to  him  was 
electric.  The  news  of  his  trip  barely 
reached  her  consciousness.  He  saw  that 
she  had  something  more  than  the  usual 
weight  of  her  dinner  duties,  something  more 
than  the  glory  of  regeneration,  on  her 
mind. 

70 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

"I  —  I  don't  know  whether  you'll  like  it 
or  not,  Henry,  but  I've  gone  and  done  it, 
this  time !  "  She  paused,  breathless.  "  The 
Hammonds  are  coming.  And  the  Tiffanys, 
too."  She  watched  him  earnestly. 

Henry  took  it  without  a  qualm.  "  Good 
for  you !  I  like  Ed  Hammond  —  educated 
chap.  Knows  poetry.  And  I  always  said 
Mclvor  Tiffany's  a  rough  diamond.  He  — " 

Millicent  snatched  a  deep  breath.  "  You 
don't  understand.  There's  only  room  for 
twelve,  and  —  and  so  I  had  to  leave  out  the 
Holsappels  and  the  Harrises." 

Henry  scowled  a  little.  "They'll  be 
mighty  sore,"  he  said  thoughtfully.  "  Still, 
there's  no  law  compelling  us  to  ask  'em  to 
every  dinner  we  give,  even  if  it  always  has 
been  a  give  and  take  — " 

"  I  told  you  long  ago  that  we've  got  to 
reckon  with  the  Hammonds  and  the  Tif 
fanys,"  said  Millicent.  "  If  we  don't  take 
71 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

them  in,  somebody  else  will.  People  are 
beginning  to  flock  around  them,  even  now. 
It's  pretty  nearly  a  question  of  having  a 
real  opposition,  or  of  taking  the  opposition 
leaders  into  our  own  set  and  going  on  as 
we  are.  I  schemed  and  schemed  to  find  a 
way  to  seat  sixteen,  but  I  couldn't.  Nor 
even  fourteen.  So —  And  I'm  not  the 
only  one  who's  thought  it  out,  either.  I 
know  the  signs." 

"  I  don't  care,  if  you  don't,"  said  Henry, 
unlacing  his  shoes.  "  I  like  Ed  Hammond 
better  than  Holsappel,  any  day." 

She  left  him,  and  went  down  to  labour 
with  Olga  while  he  dressed.  Presently  her 
voice  climbed  to  remind  him  of  the  unmixed 
cocktails  and  the  unopened  cases  of  Johan- 
nisberger.  Henry  hurried  down.  A  sur 
prising  array  of  bottles  greeted  him  as  he 
passed  through  the  butler's  pantry.  He 
smiled.  Milly  had  evidently  traded  with 
72 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

Tiffany  as  he  had  counselled.  He  found  a 
hammer  and  screw  driver,  switched  on  the 
cellar  light  and  descended  blithely. 

Then  followed  a  surcharged  interval  dur 
ing  which  the  cheery  squawk  of  yielding 
nails  came  agreeably  to  Milly's  ear.  Then 
a  dynamic  silence  .  .  .  again  the  squawk 
.  .  .  once  more  silence  .  .  .  then  a  spatter 
ing  glass-crash  and  the  voice  of  Henry 
lifted  in  potent  speech.  Millicent  ran  to 
the  head  of  the  stairs. 

"Henry!  Oh  —  Henry!  Henry!  Don't 
tell  me  you've  broken  a  bottle !  " 

There  was  a  strained  pause. 

"  Come  down  here,  Milly!  "  So  he  would 
have  invited  her  to  view  the  evidence  of  a 
hasty  murder.  Millicent  crept  carefully 
down  the  stairs,  holding  her  skirts  aloof. 
Henry,  hammer  in  hand,  stood  in  the  centre 
of  a  semi-circle  of  opened  cases,  from  each 
of  which  sprouted  a  pyramid  of  conical 
73 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

straw  jackets.  About  him,  upright  on  the 
floor,  stood  an  army  of  brownish  bottles. 
On  his  face,  in  the  glow  of  the  single  ceiling- 
bulb,  was  the  look  of  a  man  face  to  face 
with  stark  ruin.  In  his  left  hand  he 
gripped  the  bodyless  neck  of  a  shattered 
bottle. 

"Wh-what  is  it,  Henry?"  Her  voice 
was  hushed  as  in  the  presence  of  mad 
ness. 

He  swept  the  hammer  in  a  futile  gesture 
of  despair.  His  lips  moved  without  sound. 
She  crept  closer. 

"  Empty !  "  That  was  the  word  he  was 
trying  to  say,  "  Empty !  " 

She  stared  from  bottle  to  bottle.  One 
by  one  they  revealed  themselves  to  her  for 
the  hollow  shams  they  were,  corkless,  void. 

They  gazed  at  each  other  above  the  trag 
edy.  Henry's  brain  fumbled  its  way  to  the 
simple  truth,  an  illuminating  vision  of  Miss 
74 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

Jasper's  furtive  half -brother,  quietly  empty 
ing  bottle  after  bottle  and  returning  it  to 
its  straw  jacket  and  its  wooden  case,  be 
cause  he  didn't  know  how  else  to  dispose  of 
them  unobserved.  He  had  died  before  the 
junkman  could  immure  his  secret.  Henry 
groaned.  Millicent,  watching  him,  saw 
that  his  new  assertiveness  had  oozed  away 
from  him.  He  was  trying  to  tell  himself 
that,  in  his  haste  and  excitement,  the  differ 
ence  between  the  weight  of  a  crate  of  empty 
bottles  and  of  a  crate  of  full  bottles  would 
naturally  liave  escaped  him  —  but  it  was 
cold  comfort.  Millicent's  old  command 
came  back  to  her. 

"It's  no  good  standing  here  swearing, 
Henry.  Come  upstairs  and  mix  the  cock 
tails.  We've  only  got  twenty  minutes." 

"What's  the  use?"  Henry  was  para 
lysed.  "  We  can't  bluff  it  out  this  time." 

"  You  come  upstairs  and  mix  those  cock- 
75 

i*.  . 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

tails/7  repeated  Millicent  imperatively. 
"  I'm  not  through  yet !  We've  got  two  bot 
tles  of  American  champagne  left,  and  we 
can  mix  it  with  Bubble-Up.  It'll  go  round, 
and  they'll  never  know  the  difference. 
Come  on ! " 

Henry  laughed  funereally.  "  It  might 
...  it  might  do  for  women  —  but  Ed  Ham 
mond?  Why,  he  knows  vintages  blind 
folded!  And  Tiffany,  too!  And  Jordan. 
You  couldn't  fool  those  fellows  in  a  thou 
sand  years." 

Millicent  shook  him  firmly  by  the  sleeve. 
"  Come  on  and  mix  the  cocktails,"  she  said 
again.  "Do  as  I  tell  you.  Mix  three 
rounds!  Strong  ones.  If  anybody  can 
tell  what  vintage  he's  drinking  after  he's 
had  two  or  three  cocktails,  well,  he's  just 
bomb-proof,  that's  all.  Come  on,  Henry 
dear.  Please ! " 

Henry  came  to  heel.  Doggedly,  he  slunk 
76 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLAES 

to  the  butler's  pantry,  where,  as  he  blended 
his  ingredients,  he  wore  the  countenance  of 
a  morose  embalmer.  When  the  mixing  was 
accomplished,  he  surrounded  the  two  lone 
bottles  of  domestic  champagne  with  hur 
riedly  cracked  ice,  and  laid  beside  them  sev 
eral  pints  of  the  aerated  cider  destined  to 
serve  as  diluent.  How  the  adulteration 
was  to  be  managed,  he  didn't  know.  Milly 
would  have  to  fix  it,  somehow.  It  didn't 
matter  much.  They  were  bound  to  be 
caught.  But  if  Milly  wanted  to  flirt  with 
fire  once  more  —  let  her! 

He  found  it  difficult  to  greet  his  guests 
properly,  but  the  stirring  example  of  Milli- 
cent,  undaunted  under  misfortune,  enabled 
him  to  counterfeit  pleasure  with  fair  suc 
cess.  Milly's  semblance  of  serenity  found 
a  feebler  reflection  in  his  own  attitude,  in 
ward  and  outer.  He  passed  over  the  awk 
ward  moment  when  A.  Sturtevant  Jordan, 
77 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

with  a  touch  of  acidity  in  his  tone,  de 
manded  to  know  what  detained  the  Hol- 
sappels,  whose  non-arrival  presented  itself 
to  his  clouded  vision  as  an  attempt  to  tres 
pass  on  the  Jordan  privilege  of  the  stellar 
entrance.  He  endured  without  a  hint  of 
emotion  the  hearty  slap  on  the  shoulder 
with  which  Mclvor  Tiffany  made  himself 
welcome.  He  caught  Milly's  signal  and  in 
troduced  the  tray.  On  it  were  both  of  the 
small  shakers  and  the  double  shaker  be 
sides. 

"  Plenty  for  everybody,  tonight,"  an 
nounced  Henry,  in  false  joviality.  His 
eye  strayed  malevolently  toward  Daisy 
Jordan.  Henry  prided  himself  on  mixing 
a  workmanlike  cocktail  and  he  had  an  ar 
tist's  resentment  toward  the  philistine  con 
sumer. 

They  helped  themselves  gaily.  Henry 
also  drank,  with  a  sign  of  satisfaction. 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

After  a  decent  pause,  he  refilled  glasses, 
with  an  inward  groan  over  Daisy's,  coyly 
proffered,  reluctantly  sipped,.  But  Ham 
mond  shook  his  head,  showing  a  glass  barely 
tasted. 

"  Never  neutralize  my  palate  with  these 
things  when  I  want  to  enjoy  wine,"  he  said 
pleasantly.  "  Thank  you  just  as  much,  but 
I'd  rather  not." 

Henry's  jaw  dropped.  Hammond,  his 
connoisseurdom  impaired  by  two  or  three 
cocktails,  perhaps  even  one,  wasn't  so  dan 
gerous.  Hammond,  his  faculties  alert,  was 
beyond  even  Millicent's  genius. 

"  Oh,  come  on,"  urged  Henry  weakly. 
"  It's  a  shame  to  waste  it." 

A  soprano  giggle  answered  and  Daisy's 
glass  swam  appealingly  into  his  ken. 
"  Never  mind,  Henry  —  it  won't  be  wasted 
—  not  a  weeny,  teeny  drop.  I'll  see  to 
that." 

79 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLAES 

Henry  filled  the  glass  apathetically.  He 
watched  her  drink  it,  wondering  if  she  un 
derstood  its  power.  He  tried  to  edge  close 
to  Milly,  to  draw  her  notice  to  the  catas 
trophic  self-denial  of  Ed  Hammond,  but  she 
eluded  him  so  effortlessly  that  he  knew, 
from  experience,  that  she  didn't  intend  to 
allow  him  private  speech. 

Again  he  offered  to  fill  glasses  from  the 
last  of  the  shakers.  No  one  else  —  abso 
lutely  no  one  —  seemed  to  care  for  a  third 
round.  Henry  steeled  himself  for  the  in 
evitable.  With  the  beginnings  of  awe,  he 
saw  Daisy  Jordan  take  her  final  sip.  If 
the  others  had  only  accepted  her  as  a  leader. 
He  watched  her,  fascinated.  Her  lip  didn't 
even  quiver.  He  thought  helplessly  of  his 
own  efforts  to  learn  to  like  Koquef ort  cheese. 

Daisy  sat  at  his  right,  and  he  was  grate 
ful,  as  he  absorbed  his  soup,  that  she  wasn't 
in  any  mood  for  conversation.  She  ate  de- 
80 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

liberately,  her  little  finger  extended  witK 
determined  rigidity  from  her  right  hand,  a 
faint,  reminiscent  smile  on  her  lips. 
Henry  couldn't  tear  his  thoughts  from 
Hammond;  Hammond  undrugged  and  eag 
erly  percipient;  Hammond,  the  connois 
seur;  Hammond,  the  professional  .  .  . 
about  to  revel  upon  domestic  champagne 
and  Bubble-Up. 

;  The  roast  was  on  the  table.  The  maid 
appeared  with  a  bottle,  collared  with  one  of 
Milly's  best  napkins.  He  could  see  the  lit 
tle  ripple  of  anticipation.  He  tried,  pite- 
ously,  to  catch  Milly's  eye,  but  she 
wouldn't  look  at  him.  Hypnotized,  he 
watched  the  maid  cross  the  space  from  the 
pantry  door.  Then,  in  a  high,  clear,  carry 
ing  voice,  Daisy  Jordan  shattered  the  ten 
sion. 

"  I'm  going  to  tell  you  all  the  funniest 
thing,"     she    announced    brightly.     "I've 
81 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

been  aching  to  tell  it  to  somebody  for  six 
solid  years.  You'll  simply  die." 

She  struggled  with  premature  mirth. 
They  all  leaned  infinitesimal ly  toward  her, 
caught  with  some  common  intuition  of 
pending  cataclysm. 

"  Sturtevant's  first  name,"  she  began,  re 
covering  her  new  clear  tone. 

"  Daisy !  "  A.  Sturtevant  exploded  ter 
ribly  from  the  other  end  of  the  table.  She 
turned  her  eyes  at  him  with  cool,  regal  in 
solence  and  continued. 

"  It's  Argentina,"  she  said  simply.  "  He 
was  born  there !  " 

There  followed  a  silence  in  which  every 
one  prayed  that  some  one  else  would  cover 
the  calamity  with  speech.  The  maid,  with 
the  bottle  uplifted,  tittered  audibly,  Jor 
dan's  face  showed  his  emotions.  No  one 
who  has  a  name  to  be  sensitive  about  can 
possibly  be  more  sensitive  than  about  his 
82 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

name,  and  he,  poor  fellow,  had  hid  this 
queer  monstrosity  with  greater  care  than 
Miss  Jasper's  brother  had  hidden  his  wine. 
"I  think,"  said  Daisy,  tentatively,  "it's 
too  close  here.  It's  awful.  If  youll  all 


ex-cuse  me — " 


Another  stillness  held  them  in  suspense. 
Then  Millicent,  without  having  seemed  to 
leave  her  place,  was  at  Daisy's  side.  Some 
how  Henry  never  quite  understood  the  de 
tails  —  Daisy  was  ensconced  on  the  big  di 
van  in  the  'den,  where,  protesting  vehe 
mently  that  the  stuffy  atmosphere  had  only 
made  her  feel  a  trifle  faint,  and  that  she 
wouldn't,  wouldn't  go  home,  she  was  suf 
fered  to  remain. 

They  had  all  quitted  their  seats  in  con 
fusion,  the  men  exchanging  glances  in 
which  amusement  blended  suitably  with 
disapproval,  the  women  interfering  with 
each  other  in  their  endeavours  to  minister 
83 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

to  Daisy.  But,  at  last  they  were  back  again 
in  their  places,  avoiding  each  other's  eyes, 
trying  to  construct  the  correct  behaviour  for 
dinner-guests  who  have  just  watched  one 
of  their  number  slide  —  metaphorically  — 
under  the  table.  The  maid  again  ap 
proached  Milly  with  immense  solemnity. 
"  Will  I  pour  the  wine,  now,  ma'am?  " 
Her  aspirated  whisper  carried  to  every 
ear.  Henry  had  the  sense  of  the  reprieved 
convict  whose  original  sentence  is  suddenly 
reviewed  a  second  time  and  confirmed. 
With  a  sort  of  frozen  desperation  he 
watched  Millicent's  face.  Then,  quietly, 
Milly  spoke.  To  the  maid  she  said :  "  No, 
I'll  pour  it,"  and  took  the  bottle.  Slowly, 
she  rose  and  faced  them,  icy,  aloof,  pale 
with  the  pallor  of  resolution  and  high  pur 
pose. 

"You    were    asked    here    tonight,"    she 
said,  "  to  begin  a  new  scheme  of  things  for 
8-1 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

Oakmout.  Henry  and  I  decided  that  the 
time  had  come  to  recognize  a  new  social 
grouping.  I  was  going  to  propose  that  we 
form  a  sort  of  informal  little  club  and  call 
it,  for  the  fun  of  the  thing,  '  The  Six  Best 
Cellars/  I  don't  believe  there's  any  doubt 
that  the  six  best  cellars  in  Oakmont  are 
represented  here." 

There  were  half-smiles  and  nods  at  this  — 
Jordan  alone  failed  to  nod  or  smile.  Milli- 
cent  shook  her  head  almost  sadly  as  she 
went  on,  while  Henry's  eyes  hung  on  hers. 

"  I  confess  that  until  a  few  moments  ago 
I  was  just  a  little  proud  of  having  one  of 
those  cellars.  I  thought  it  was  pretty 
smart  and  clever  of  us  to  get  the  best  of  the 
law,  and  to  go  right  on  drinking,  just  as  if 
nothing  had  happened.  If  —  if  things  had 
gone  as  they  promised  to  go  I'd  probably 
still  feel  that  way  about  it.  But  I've  had 
my  eyes  opened." 

85 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLAKS 

She  paused  again. 

"  You  mustn't  think  that  Daisy  ..."  be 
gan  Argentina  S.  Jordan,  clumsily.  "  She 
—  isn't  used  to  it." 

Millicent  was  very  willing  to  agree. 

"  Exactly.  And  it  occurs  to  me  that  I'm 
not  used  to  it,  either  —  none  of  us  are.  It 
was  good  fun  in  the  old  days  when  a  drink 
was  nothing  but  a  drink,  and  we  took  it  or 
left  it  as  we  pleased.  But  we've  passed 
that  stage.  We've  made  a  cult  of  drinking, 
a  social  ritual  of  it.  Simply  because  it's 
got  to  be  a  sort  of  distinction  to  be  able  to 
dodge  the  law.  I'm  not  blaming  anybody 
else  —  I'm  more  to  blame  than  anybody 
else,  because  it  was  in  my  house  that  this 
happened.  Well,  the  way  I  feel  now  —  is 
like  this." 

And  before  they  could  realize  what  she 
intended  she  had  tilted  the  bottle  bottom- 
upwards  over  the  silver  dish  of  greenery 
86 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLAES 

before  her  and  let  its  creaming  contents 
burble  down  among  the  ferns. 

Henry  had  at  that  moment  the  sensations 
of  a  man  who,  previously  deluded  into 
thinking  that  he  has  married  a  normal, 
cuddly  and  quarrelly  wife,  discovers,  all 
unwarned,  that  she  is  Portia,  Cleopatra  and 
Catherine,  all  in  one.  The  vast  assuage 
ment  which  came  to  him  at  this  solution 
of  their  problem  was  infinitely  less  than 
his  awed  realization  of  Milly's  mental 
stature. 

He  remembered,  with  a  stab  of  self-re 
proach,  that  he  had  made  mock  of  her  be 
cause  she  couldn't  understand  what  amorti 
zation  meant.  Milly! 

For  a  few  seconds,  the  epic  sacrifice  of  a 
quart  of  actual  champagne  held  them 
stilled  and  breathless.  Then,  as  Milly  re 
sumed  her  place  and  beckoned  the  maid  to 
proceed  with  the  routine  of  service,  a 
87 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLAKS 

storm  of  expostulation  broke  around  her, 
its  backwash  lapping  at  Henry,  dumb  and 
reverent  at  his  end  of  the  oval.  They  were 
all  captivated  by  the  abandoned  idea  of  the 
Six  Best  Cellars;  even  Argentina  Sturte- 
vant  Jordan,  visualizing  from  his  chilly  so 
cial  eminence  the  bins  and  cupboards  of  the 
promoted  plebs,  fought  valiantly  for  the 
forsaken  dream.  Tommy  Blair  and  his 
wife  were  enthusiasts  from  the  instant  the 
Jordan  attitude  was  evident.  As  for  the 
Tiff anys  and  Hammonds,  it  was  wholly  ob 
vious  that  the  prospect  of  inclusion  in  a  re 
constituted  Six  attracted  them  as  strongly 
as  the  prospect  of  the  demonetization  of 
their  social  currency  repelled  them. 

Henry  took  no  part  in  the  debate.  He 
merely  shook  his  head,  and  waved  a  submis 
sive  reverential  hand  at  his  wife.  As  for 
Milly,  she  was  open  to  conviction,  but  un- 
convincible.  Once  was  quite  enough.  It 
88 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

had  never  happened  before,  to  be  sure.  It 
might  never  happen  again,  she  admitted. 
But  she  felt  that  the  whole  thing  was 
wrong;  the  whole  scheme  of  hoodwinking 
the  law,  of  rivalling  one  another  in  the 
lavishness  and  prodigality  of  their  enter 
tainment  was  hateful. 

Quite  suddenly  there  was  a  lull.  Then 
Mclvor  Tiffany,  with  a  gentleness  foreign 
to  him,  nodded  at  Millicent. 

"  I  can  understand  how  you  feel,  Mrs. 
Carpenter.  Don't  blame  you  a  bit.  Don't 
agree  with  you,  but  I  can  respect  honest 
opinions  in  others  when  I  bump  into  'em. 
You've  got  to  do  what  you  feel's  the  right 
thing." 

To  Henry's  amazement,  Mrs.  Blair 
echoed  his  sentiments.  "  That's  right, 
Milly  —  you  stick  right  to  your  principles. 
Bully  for  you." 

They  finished  the  dinner  with  Milly  the 
89 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

centre  of  converging  approval.  In  the  liv 
ing-room,  later,  Henry  had  a  revelation 
vwhich  put  a  new  face  on  the  situation.  -, 

"  I  say,  Henry,  old  man !  Listen  — 
you'll  be  getting  rid  of  your  stock,  if  Milly 
sticks  to  this  notion."  Tommy  Blair 
edged  close  to  him.  "  Give  me  a  whack  at 
it  first,  won't  you?  " 

"I  —  I'll  have  to  talk  to  Milly,"  parried 
Henry  dazedly.  "  She's  running  this. 
Personally,  I  don't  feel  satisfied  — " 

He  caught  Milly 's  eye  with  a  glint  of 
such  delighted  approval  in  it  that  he 
persevered. 

"  I'm  not  saying  she's  wrong,  but  I'm  a 
whole  lot  away  from  convinced  she's  right," 
he  continued  soberly.     "  I'll  have  to  talk  it 
over  with  her  before  I  decide  a  thing." 
i     Within  half  an  hour  he  made  the  same 
answer  to  each  of  the  other  four  men.     The 
party  broke  up  early,  Daisy  clucking  sleep- 
90 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLAES 

ily  as  she  was  led  out  of  the  side  door  to 
the  Jordan  limousine.  The  conspirators 
faced  each  other. 

"Milly,  you're  the  whole  eight  wonders 
of  the  world !  " 

"  I  don't  know  what  you  mean/'  said 
Milly,  evading  his  out-stretched  arms. 
"  I'm  simply  furious  with  shame,  Henry. 
Daisy  Jordan  was  ill  —  call  it  anything 
you  like;  but  I  know  what  you'd  call  it  if 
she'd  been  a  washerwoman  —  you'd  say  she 
was  intoxicated  —  and  I  made  her!  Mrs. 
Teak's  been  right,  all  along;  so's  your  Aunt 
Virginia.  I've  always  laughed  at  the  idea 
that  a  few  drinks  would  do  any  harm.  But 
I  shan't  ever  forget  tonight.  Never !  " 

Henry  surveyed  her  dubiously.  The 
voice  was  the  voice  of  Esau,  but  the  hair 
was  Jacob's.  And  he  was  fairly  well  ac 
quainted  with  Milly. 

"  It  certainly  lets  us  out,  all  right,"  he 
91 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

said  comfortably.  "  I  was  simply  petrified 
when  Hammond  wouldn't  more  than  taste 
his  cocktail.  He'd  have  .spotted  that  awful 
mixture  in  a — " 

"  It  doesn't  matter  in  the  least."  Milly 
was  loftily  disdainful.  "  I'm  not  interested 
in  Mr.  Hammond's  opinion  of  my  enter 
tainment.  But  I  do  owe  Mrs.  Teak  an 
apology.  I  was  frightfully  snippy  the  last 
time  she  tried  to  argue  with  me.  I  —  yes, 
I'll  call  there  tomorrow  and  tell  her  .  .  . 
no,  she'll  hear  about  it,  fast  enough.  It's 
better  the  other  way." 

Henry  wrinkled  his  forehead.  This  was 
in  the  fourth  dimension.  But  he  gathered 
a  little  illumination  as  his  wife  proceeded. 

"After  all,  I'm  not  so  sure  that  we  fit 
with  fast  people  anyway.  I'm  not  sure 
they're  our  sort.  It  may  be  that  we  belong 
with  people  like  the  Teaks.  They  like  us, 
too.  They  always  did." 
92 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

Henry  had  a  sudden  vision  of  Milly  and 
himself  as  intimates  of  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Oliver 
Teak.  Viewed  as  a  diversion  it  wasn't  ex 
citing,  but  there  was  undeniably  a  thrill 
connected  with  it.  In  their  way  the  Teaks 
were  infinitely  more  exclusive  than  the  A. 
Sturtevant  Jordans.  Henry  had  a  swift, 
distant  picture  of  himself  as  a  vestryman, 
a  member  of  the  Town  Commission,  a 
figure  of  weight  and  import.  That  helps, 
even  in  the  bond  business. 

"  Yes,"  he  agreed,  discreetly.  "  It's 
lucky  this  happened  —  in  one  sense." 

Millicent  nodded.  "  No  matter  how 
much  they've  got,  it's  bound  to  give  out 
some  time  —  sooner  than  they  think.  And 
then  where  will  they  be?  The  Six  Best 
Cellars?  Why,  all  but  the  very  best  of  the 
six  will  be  as  empty  as  the  Teaks'  in  a  year 
or  less." 

She  brightened.  "  I  thought  it  would  be 
93 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

rather  convincing  when  we  throw  out  all 
those  empty  bottles  — " 

Henry  beamed.  "  I  said  you  were  a 
wonder,"  he  began,  with  renewed  enthus 
iasm.  "  Let's  do  it  right  away." 

"  No/'  ruled  Milly.  "  We  mustn't  be  in 
too  much  of  a  hurry  to  do  anything.  It 
seems  to  me  we'd  better  think  it  over  very 
carefully,  and  consider  all  sides  of  the 
question  before  we  do  anything  drastic." 

There  was  a  silence,  during  which  Henry 
contemplated  her  inquiringly. 

"  I  never  did  like  the  idea  of  burning  my 
bridges,"  said  Milly,  cryptically.  "  Did 
you  put  out  the  lights  in  the  back  hall, 
Henry?" 

\  .  .  .  ,  -  .     '  •         ft    "•  . 

Within  the  week,  Henry  had  experienced 

most  of  the  emotions  of  the  congressman 

whose  ballot  will  decide  a  weighty  issue 

which  is  personally  immaterial  to  him.     He 

94 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

was  the  centre  of  a  struggle,  the  means  and 
trophy  of  victory,  and  he  didn't  care  which 
way  he  went.  But  Millicent  did. 

Argentina  S.  Jordan,  approving  Milly's 
decision  solemnly,  was  the  first  to  renew, 
with  elaborate  carelessness,  his  offer  to  re 
lieve  Henry  of  his  wet  goods ;  and  the  offer 
was  repeated  with  varying  degrees  of 
urgency,  by  all  the  recent  guests  and  by  an 
astonishing  number  of  other  citizens  of  Oak- 
mont,  including  even  the  outraged  Holsap- 
pel  and  Harris. 

Henry  observed,  however,  that  these  over 
tures  revealed  an  underlying  note  of  pat 
ronage.  He  heard,  through  Milly,  that  her 
idea  of  the  Six  Best  Cellars  had  been  en 
thusiastically  adopted  by  the  unregenerate, 
with  five  charter  members  and  a  frantic 
competition  to  decide  the  sixth.  He  felt, 
regretfully  sometimes  and  then  again  not 
regretfully  at  all,  that  he  and  Milly  were 
95 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

already  regarded  as  out  of  it.  Indeed,  now 
that  the  story  had  spread,  the  Carpenters 
were  considered  almost  as  modern  martyrs 
to  a  goodly  cause.  Already  Oliver  P.  Teak 
treated  Henry  with  the  irritating  proprie 
torship  of  the  elect  toward  the  newest 
plucked  brand  from  the  burning.  The  ap 
proval  of  Doctor  Devine,  the  most  influen 
tial  of  the  local  clergymen,  was  so  undip 
lomatically  expressed  that  it  was  hard  for 
Henry  to  endure  it, —  especially  with  Ed 
Hammond  within  easy  ear-shot. 

Millicent  was  deeply  thoughtful.  She 
still  refused,  in  spite  of  her  previous  decla 
ration,  to  commit  herself  definitely.  She 
was  firm  on  the  subject  of  serving  alcohol 
under  her  roof,  but  as  to  the  disposition  of 
her  stock,  there  was  no  decision. 

Meanwhile,  Henry  perceived,  she  was  be 
ing  enthusiastically  rushed  by  every  woman 
who  could  possibly  claim  to  know  her  well 
96 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

enough.  They  were  both  entertained  — 
very,  very  temperately,  and  just  by  them 
selves  —  by  the  Jordans,  the  Blairs  and  the 
McAllisters;  they  were  also  the  guests  of 
honour  at  an  imposing  dinner  given  by  Mrs. 
Oliver  P.  Teak,  at  which  the  conversation 
dwelt  steadily  on  the  absorbing  question  of 
law-enforcement. 

Millicent  plainly  wavered.  She  intended 
to  waver  plainly  and  she  did.  "  I've  not 
fully  made  up  my  mind/'  she  told  Mrs. 
Teak,  sweetly.  "  It's  a  radical  change 
from  everything  I've  been  used  to,  you 
know.  But  I've  decided  on  one  thing:  if 
we  make  up  our  minds  to  have  no  more  in 
toxicating  beverages  on  our  table,  we  shan't 
sell  what  we've  laid  in.  That  would  be 
just  as  bad  as  using  it  up  ourselves.  I'm 
ashamed  to  say  what  it  cost,  but,  if  we  de 
cide  to  we'll  destroy  it  —  every  drop  of  it" 

Even  Mrs.  Teak,  who  had  heard  the  self- 
97 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

propagating  rumours  of  the  Carpenter  sup 
ply,  was  overwhelmed.  To  destroy  thou 
sands  and  thousands  of  dollars'  worth  of 
precious  poison,  merely  for  the  sake  of  prin 
ciple!  It  was  magnificent.  She  played  a 
card  which  she  had  been  holding  in  reserve. 
There  would  presently  be  a  vacancy  on  the 
Board  of  Governors  of  the  Oakmont 
Women's  Club.  Mrs.  Teak  was  reasonably 
sure  that  Mrs.  Carpenter  would  make  an 
admirable  governoress,  that  is  ... 

Milly  was  suitably  charmed,  without  be 
ing  too  enthusiastic. 

When  this  newest  rumour  had  percolated, 
the  thirsty  ones,  considering  the  tragedy  of 
a  wholesale  wrecking  of  the  Carpenter  cel 
lar,  no  longer  competed  for  the  chance  of 
buying  Henry's  stock.  They  united  in  the 
endeavour  to  draw  the  Carpenters  back  into 
the  fold.  There  was  no  question,  now,  of 
choosing  the  Sixth  Best  Cellar.  The  Car- 
98 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

penters  were  inevitably,  unanimously,  the 
ideal  candidates  for  the  disputed  place,  and 
Milly,  under  a  concentrated  fire  of  expostu 
lation,  displayed  a  gentle  softness  of  incon- 
viction  against  which  entreaty  and  argu 
ment  blunted  their  edges  in  vain! 

On  the  other  side  the  efforts  redoubled, 
too.  The  Teaks  called  formally  to  urge  re 
nunciation  as  a  civic  duty.  Milly's  gover 
norship  was  mentioned  as  an  established 
fact;  Oliver  P.  spoke  meaningly  to  Henry 
of  the  coming  Town  elections,  the  new  blood 
needed  in  the  new  Commission,  the  strength 
of  character  required  of  men  in  positions  of 
public  trust.  A  providential  affair  of  in 
fluenza  leading  to  an  unexpected  vacancy  in 
the  vestry,  the  Reverend  Charles  Devine  vis 
ited  Henry  with  impressive  circumlocutions 
which  Millicent  promptly  brushed  aside. 

"Let's  be  frank,  Doctor,"  she  said  en 
gagingly.  "If  you  mean  that  you  want 
99 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

Henry  in  the  vestry,  won't  you  please  say 
so?" 

The  rector  wriggled.  #vl  —  it  is  scarcely 
in  that  definite  form,  as  yet,"  he  said,  un 
comfortably.  "  The  matter  —  er  —  hinges, 
I  may  say,  on  circumstances  —  that  is  — " 

"You  mean  that  if  we  take  a  stand  for 
Prohibition,  or  something  like  that,  you'll 
elect  Henry?  "  Millicent  was  disarmingly 
blunt.  Doctor  Devine  wriggled  again, 
coughed,  stammered,  and  capitulated. 

"  Yes,"  he  said,  finally,  "  in  the  last  an 
alysis  —  it  practically  comes  to  that." 

Milly's  glance  moved  sidewise  to  Henry. 
A  vestryman  at  Saint  Adolphus' ;  a  member 
of  the  Town  Commission;  the  firm  allegi 
ance  of  the  Teaks  and  their  retinue;  gov- 
ernoress  of  the  Women's  Club;  a  position 
unassailable,  solid,  massive  .  .  . 

The  Reverend  Doctor  Devine  groped  for 
100 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

self -justification.     He   had   made    a   state 
ment  which  might  be  misconstrued. 

"  I  should  explain  that  it  is  more  than  a 
question  of  temperance,"  he  said,  uncom 
fortably.  "  You  know,  I  think,  that  my 
personal  view  of  this  great  national  ques 
tion  has  been  —  er  —  tolerant.  The  pres 
ent  crisis  goes  much  deeper,  if  I  may  say  so. 
It  is  basic,  vital,  fundamental."  The  roll 
of  the  useful  words  on  his  tongue  gave  him 
fresh  sonority.  "  Wisely  or  foolishly  a  law 
has  been  made  forbidding  the  use  of,  and 
traffic  in,  spiritous  liquors.  The  poor,  by 
their  very  poverty,  are  debarred  from  break 
ing  this  law.  The  rich  are  able,  financially 
and  physically,  to  break  it  at  their  pleasure. 
Already  we  have  an  impossible  scheme  of 
rivalry  in  illegality;  the  mutterings  of  dis 
content  among  the  —  er  —  lower  classes  are 
distinctly  to  be  heard.  The  spectacle  of 
101 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

men  and  women,  who  should  be  powers  for 
good  in  their  community  engaged  in  eager 
strivings  to  snap  their  fingers  at  the  law  is 
—  er  —  unedif ying,  if  I  may  use  the  word. 
You  follow  me,  my  dear  Mr.  Carpenter?  " 

"  Oh,  absolutely,  Doctor."  Henry  nod 
ded,  his  eye  searching  Milly's  for  guid 
ance.  The  reverend  gentleman  beamed, 
shook  him  by  the  hand. 

"  Then  I  see  that  you  must  have  privately 
decided  on  the  fine  course,  the  wise  course, 
the  noble  course !  "  He  shook  hands  again. 
"  I  was  sure  you  would  come  to  it  in  the 
end.  I  feel,  now,  that  I  may  express  my 
self  more  forcibly  than  would,  perhaps, 
have  been  politic  if  you  were  not  of  my 
opinion  in  the  matter.  Mrs.  Carpenter,  I 
feel  that  a  man  who  would  evade  the  law 
by  hoarding  strong  drink,  under  the  present 
conditions,  would  be  irresponsible  in  any 
position  of  trust,  would  be  unworthy  of 
102 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

even  the  confidence  which  is  said  to  exist 
between  thieves.  It  would  be  .  .  ." 

Henry  lost  the  rest  of  the  sentence  as  the 
maid  appeared  in  the  doorway  with  a  note. 
He  moved  toward  her  and  took  it.  It  was 
from  Miss  Jasper.  Henry  had  a  pang  of 
apprehension.  If  rumour  had  reached  her ! 

He  mumbled  an  unheard  apology  to  Milly 
and  the  rector  and  tore  the  envelope. 

"  My  dear  Henry: 

I  am  ashamed  to  trouble  you  again  .  .  .'•* 

Henry  caught  the  rector's  appeal  to  his 
masculine  judgment : 

"  You  agree  with  me,  I  am  sure,  Mr.  Car 
penter,  that  there  is  no  essential  distinction 
between  cheating  the  law  and,  er  —  for  the 
sake  of  illustration  —  and  cheating  at 
cards?  " 

"Oh,   absolutely,   Doctor."    Henry  low 
ered  his  glance  to  the  letter. 
103 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

"  If  there  were  any  other  Person  to  whom 
I  could  turn,  with  Certainty  that  my  Con 
fidence  would  be  respected,  I  should  refrain 
from  appealing  to  you  at  this  time.  But 
there  is  no  One.  In  clearing  out  the  Rest 
of  the  Store  Room  in  the  Cellar  this  Morn 
ing,  a  Task  from  which  my  Illness  and 
Weakness  afterwards  prevented  me  until 
now,  Susan  and  I  discovered  that  my  mis 
guided  Brother  was  even  more  repre 
hensible  in  his  Conduct  than  I  had  be 
lieved." 

Again  Henry  agreed  absently  with  the 
rector  and  turned  a  page.  Then,  to  Milly's 
amazement,  he  lowered  the  letter  and 
took  sharp  issue  with  the  excellent  Dr. 
Devine. 

"  On  second  thought,  I  don't  know  that  I 
altogether  agree  with  you,  Doctor.  You 
make  a  very  convincing  argument,  but 
there's  another  side  —  a  very  important 
side,  and  I  haven't  fully  decided,  as  yet, 
which  is  the  right  one.  I'll  have  to  think 
104 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

it  over  with  Mrs.  Carpenter  before  we  do 
anything  definite." 

Adding  offence  to  offence,  he  cut  short 
the  Doctor's  flurry  of  debate,  and  excused 
himself.  Milly,  staring  after  him,  pres 
ently  heard  his  voice  at  the  telephone. 

"This  you,  Hammond?  Hello,  Ed- 
Yes  —  No,  but  look  here,  I  wonder  whether 
I  could  borrow  that  Ford  station  wagon  of 
yours  for  an  hour  or  so  ...  no,  tonight 
.  .  .  right  now  .  .  .  No,  I  don't  need  any 
help.  I'll  drive  it  myself.  All  right?  .  .  . 
Thanks  .  .  .  I'll  be  right  over,  then." 

When  the  rector,  puzzled  and  sorely 
tempted  to  be  angry,  had  taken  his  de 
parture,  Milly  found  the  note  which  Henry, 
fleeing  as  soon  as  he  had  hung  up  the  re 
ceiver,  had  carelessly  left  on  the  telephone 
stand.  The  final  paragraph  interested  her. 

"  In  addition  to  the  eight  Boxes  you  took 
away  with  you,  on  the  Earlier  Occasion,  we 
105 


THE  SIX  BEST  CELLARS 

have  discovered  in  the  other  Side  of  the 
Closet  twenty-two  more,  exactly  like  the 
others,  except  that  these  are  fastened  shut 
with  Iron  Strips  nailed  around  each  End, 
so  that  we  have  been  unable  to  open  them. 
As  you  know,  it  is  more  important  than 
ever  that  this  dreadful  Secret  should  be  re 
moved  without  reaching  the  Knowledge  of 
any  one,  and  I  can  only  beg  of  you  to  come, 
with  a  Conveyance  of  suitable  Size,  as  soon 
as  possible,  and  after  Dark. 

"  Affectionately  yours, 

"  VIRGINIA  JASPER.  " 

Millicent  studied  the  note  soberly.  Her 
face  assumed,  by  easy  gradations,  the  medi 
tative,  transfigured  expression  which  she 
wore  when  she  was  planning  a  dinner,  or 
something  vastly  more  momentous. 

Six  Best  Cellars?  Hardly  now.  One 
best,  and  five,  unspeakably  inferior  .  .  , 

THE  END 


106 


THIS  BOOK  IS  DUE  ON  THE  LAST  DATE 
STAMPED  BELOW 


RENEWED  BOOKS  ARE  SUBJECT  TO  IMMEDIATE 
RECALL 


LIBRARY,  UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA,  DAVIS 

Book  Slip-50m-8,'66(G5530s4)458 


128701 

Porter,  H.E. 

Six  best  cellars 


PS3531 

0735 

S5 

1919 


LIBRARY 

UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA 
DAVIS 


128701 


